Graduation, & July Feministing!

005. Graduate with a BA (Hons) in theology – completed!

What a day.  I’d been dreading it for weeks due to the fact that I didn’t make many proper friends on my course so I knew it was going to be awkward and long and tiring.  Thankfully, the day was well organised, so I was only sat on my own among the theology graduands for an hour or so.  The ceremony was long, and pretty boring, but I’m glad I went – I think I would’ve regretted skipping my own graduation.  It was also great for my parents, who were so proud of me.

Interestingly, I was the only person in the entire ceremony who had colourful hair.  I was quite proud of that fact; my parents, not so much.  At least they didn’t force me to dye it all brown as they were threatening too.  Also, I kept in my lip piercing for the photos.

I was rocking the cap & gown look.

So now that I am a graduate, I am faced with the dreaded job hunt, which is incredibly disheartening.  I’ve applied for a lot of media/journalism jobs, most of which I’d love to work for, but haven’t heard back from any of them yet.  So we’ll see how that goes.  I won’t be writing about that side of my life here due to the public nature of my blog, but I will let you know when I do eventually find work.

—

069. 10 books on feminism – completed!  In retrospect, ten wasn’t a very ambitious number.  Here were my favourites:

I’m re-recording my album this summer too.  For those of you who have been kind enough to ask about the progress of my first full-length album, here’s a short explanation (I was going to write a whole essay on the thing but decided not to because it’s a pretty boring and depressing story): remember when I spent a few weeks last summer recording in Leeds (and documented the progress  here, here, and here)?  To cut a long story short, it turns out that we recorded the piano parts incorrectly, so we have to start all over.  The only things that are salvageable are the guitar parts for 2 songs, and the vocal parts for 3 songs.  I could’ve cried.  So we’re starting all over.  This will probably be the last I’ll mention the album for a long time, until we have a few songs finished at least.  I’m not expecting it to be completed until at least the end of this year, quality not quantity and all that.  I’m going to put more effort into my music career now that I have the time and my head is a little clearer.

Also, remember the post I wrote about the Swansea Women’s Centre being closed down?  Well, thanks to our campaigning, the centre has secured the funding it needed and can now stay open!  Hurrah!  Things are going really well with the Swansea Feminist Network – one of the founding members organised the Pro-Choice Demo, which was a huge success, though unfortunately I couldn’t attend since I’d already paid for my table at the Birmingham Zine Festival.  I’m also currently working on the SFN zine Pandora Press with friends Caitlin and Eleri, which is lots of fun too.

The Life Audit.

Hello again!  Sorry I haven’t blogged for ages, I’ve been really busy.

(That’s not me trying to subtly hint that I have some sort of exciting life, by the way. By ‘busy’ I mean writing essays, dealing with household bills, handing in keys, that sort of thing.)

I handed in my dissertation last week.  I have officially finished my degree.  :)

God, I look tired. I was incredibly tired.

The last few days of my degree were spent saying goodbyes to my few good friends at Nottingham, catching up on my sleep, and crying with relief and pride that I actually made it to the end (and for the last year, really enjoyed it all).  The last two weeks were incredibly hectic – I barely had time to sleep and shower, and by the end of it all I could feel my mental capabilities deteriorating by the hour.  I’m pretty worried about the dissertation and what they’ll think of what I wrote, but I’m trying to push that to the back of my mind.  It has been submitted now, so there’s nothing I can do.  I’ll miss Nottingham – the academic life, although tiring, was very rewarding.  I also made some great friends towards the end that I’ll truly miss.  I have plans to make an epic university-themed zine over the summer where I’ll go into these things in more detail, complete with university ephemera and mementos.

Looking awkward as my mum takes photos of my Nottingham abode.

A surprisingly high-quality picture of the Trent building taken by my iPhone!

I’m currently at home in Wales, for good!  I’ve spent the last few days spending time with my family, catching up on my sleep, eating proper food again (I lived on coffee and crisps for the last few days of uni), unpacking my uni stuff into my little room at home, cuddling my dog, and taking long baths.  It’s been so lovely.  But I’m back on my feet again, ready to get busy!  This has led me to consider that direction I take my life in for the next few years.  I’m no longer tied down to anything (well, aside from my financial restrictions), so the world is my oyster.

To suit my systematic brain, here is the list I came up with:

1. Zines
Find/create another comp-zine to edit.  Continue writing Here. In My Head. Hopefully publish more frequently now that I have the time.  Contribute to more comp-zines – being an editor for 2 years, I now fully appreciate just how difficult it is to motivate people to submit things for publication. Read and trade more zines.  Get a PO Box.  Keep Spill the Zines up and running efficiently. Write more zine reviews.

2. Music
Sort out my piano-playing… possibly get lessons.  Join a band as a bassist (I need to get some confidence back, and playing bass seems like it would be fun, without the pressure of performing solo).  Gig my solo stuff, when I’m feeling more confident. Write more songs.  Finish recording the album.  Check out the Swansea music scene.

3. Feminism
I’ve joined the Swansea Feminist Network, and intend to get massively involved with its conception and development.  Also, contribute to more feminist blogs and zines.  Contribute to The F Word.  Read more feminist books.  Attend more protests and events.

4. Misc.
Go camping. Visit Stonehenge. Do a Race for Life. Learn how to knit.  Learn how to use my sewing machine.  Make a PostSecret. Try lobster.  Fly a kite.  Give up Facebook for a fortnight.  Make a vlog.  Start taking self-defence lessons. Try yoga.

By the way, can I take a quick poll here – what do you guys like reading about on my blog?

Thoughts, suggestions?  I feel somewhat at a loose end now, and although I intend to look for a job, I want to keep myself busy in the meantime.

—

Music & Zine Update: I am officially off hiatus, so feel free to get in touch about buying and trading!

Day Zero Update: lots of the university/Women’s Network things have been crossed off the list, including “068. Continue going to Feministy events with the Women’s Network“.  Unfortunately, I failed one – “017. Get involved in a Women’s Network campaign“, as the Women’s Network didn’t put on any campaigns during the 1001 days.  Oh well.

2 – 3 week hiatus.

Due to only having 3 weeks left of my degree (ohmigosh, I’ve nearly made it!), I’m putting my music, zine, and blogging stuff on a temporary hiatus.  I’m trying to avoid Facebook, but the same can’t be said for Twitter. *hugs Twitter app*  I have lots of essaying ahead of me, and tying up loose ends with the Women’s Network, so I’m trying to limit my areas of procrastination.  Also, I’m going back to Nottingham for all this, and will be leaving my zines and CDs at home in Wales.  If you want to purchase any of my stuff in the meantime, you can find my zines at Marching Stars, Vampire Sushi, Fluxxii, and Fight Boredom, and my music at Bandcamp, iTunes, Amazon mp3, and CD Baby.  Any questions, email me: contactATcatherineelms.co.uk.

To make up for my upcoming silence, here’s a picture of my dog Toby on my bed that I took a few days ago.

"This is my bed now"

ETA: if you’re from South Wales, join the Swansea Feminist Network group on Facebook! (or you can ‘like’ us).

Nearly a graduate… *sob*

This is me.

I’ll be moving back to Wales for good in May, where I have to leave my theology behind, be a proper adult and find a job. *sob*  I’m feeling really sad about growing up and leaving university, for a number of reasons.  First, I really love my academic work.  I spent the first two years of my degree hating theology and wishing I’d chosen something else, but when I got to third year, everything fell into place.  I think it was a combination of my depression beginning to clear, feeling less like an academic imposter who’d made her way into university by some fluke, and interesting modules being offered (or should I say, modules being offered that were to my interest).  I’ll be so sad to leave it all behind. Look at what I’ve been reading recently for an essay:

Alien Sex - Gerard Loughlin

Such a good book – and Barbarella is on the front cover! (Ok, I know Barbarella is a problematic character from a feminist point of view, but still… she appeals to my inner gay sci-fi geek) There’s a cracking analysis of the Alien films inside there too.  <3

Second, I feel as if I’ve only made an effort to be sociable in my third year, when it started to come to an end.  Obviously I was full of enthusiasm in the first few weeks of university, but when it became apparent that university was actually quite difficult and I was still the same awkward shy girl from school, I just retreated into myself and gave up.  The depression was the main cause of that, sure, which is why I’m feeling more sociable now that I’m almost in the clear.  Still, it’s very disheartening to think that I don’t have much to show for those first two years of university.  Last night I went out for drinks and Wagamama with some of my classmates and our lecturer, and it just broke my heart to think that I’ll never get to sit by these people and chat to them again; that the next time I will see them will be graduation day, if I see them again at all. (Last night was lovely, but also very difficult… I was very annoyed at myself for being so damn shy and awkward though. Ugh.)

Third, I’m terrified of being an adult and being forced to enter the real world.  I can fill my days quite easily reading, writing, and doing crafty things.  I dread to think what my life will be like when I’m working 5 days a week, with no energy left in the evenings to do anything other than veg out in front of the TV.

Of course, there are lots of things about university life that I’ll be glad to leave behind – the awkward seminars, co-habiting with other students, constantly feeling mentally exhausted due to writing so many essays, and being broke.

I don’t really feel like a theology graduate… I still feel like I’ve cheated my way to the end of the degree by taking lots of disparate modules that don’t fit together, and not really learning what I’m “supposed” to learn as a theology student.  But then, a lot of theology students have said the same thing when I’ve spoken to them about it, so maybe I’m just expecting too much of myself.

There are 6 weeks and 13,000 words between me and my degree at the moment.  Once I’ve made some headway with the essays and dissertation, I’m going to start blogging properly, promise.  At the moment, my blog is just a messy way of documenting my life, but I’m going to start writing more, because I’m going to start doing more.

As for what comes next, I’m still unsure.  To be honest, I’d quite like to spend a few months building myself up, emotionally and physically, by catching up on my reading, taking up some sort of sport, writing more zines, finish recording my album (that project is currently on hiatus due to my partner, the guy in charge of recording this, not having any time at the moment… SO frustrating), play some gigs, and trying to find friends in my hometown.  I’m quite keen to throw myself into my music for a few months and seeing where that takes me, even though it’s not really a viable career choice or anything… I know I should be doing something more practical with my time, but meh, life’s too short for such dull things.  Caitlin Gwynn and I are looking into setting up a feminist group in Swansea so we can meet some kick-ass women at home and do some campaigning – that’s going to start coming together over the summer, so if there are any Swansea feminists reading this who want to get involved in setting this up, do get in touch!

Spill the Zines is still going strong, and we’re getting lots of visitors every week.  I posted my first zine review post there yesterday. However, there doesn’t seem to be a great deal of news to report… either that, or people aren’t getting in touch with us enough.  Please keep emailing us your zine-related news at spillthezinesukATgmailDOTcom!

Life Update: I bought a typewriter on eBay for £2.99 a few days ago!  What an amazing find!  I’m currently in the process of restoring her so I can start writing with her.  Photos to come soon.

Zine Update: My split-zine with Tukru is now being stocked at Amber’s distro, Fight Boredom, and at Marching Stars distro!

Day Zero Update: Watched more films, did more stuff. Take a look here.

Quick Update.

Hello all,

Just a quick update to let you know that I won’t be around much for a little while, due to the ridiculous amount of work I have to do for my degree.  I’m writing lots about feminism though, so it’ll be a labour of love.

The zine review blog I’m co-editing, Spill the Zines, is now officially up and running – do take a look and comment!  If you have any zine-related news, get in touch with us at spillthezinesukATgmailDOTcom.

Also, I have new hair:

This is as exciting as my life has been recently.  Sorry chaps.

Day Zero update: I read this charming little book this week:

My mum told me off for reading it in the surgery waiting room, haha.  I proceeded to explain to her – quietly – the history behind the word “cunt” and the lovely warm feelings the book gave me, so she came round to the idea of the word eventually.  :)

Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face… #14!

HERE. IN MY HEAD #7 / YOUR PRETTY FACE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL #14
52 pages, 1/4 sized – £2.00

A split-zine with Tukru, with a loose theme of change and improvement.  Inside, I write about being a shy girl, how to cope with the oppressive norms of feminine appearance, self-help advice, and personal development.  Tukru writes about roller derby, Typical Grrls, her job, 2010 being a shitty year, and resolutions for 2011.

This zine is available from Vampire Sushi distro, or by contacting me or Tukru directly.

Want to buy a copy from me?  Just Paypal £2.00 to blatant_blitheAThotmail.co.uk, and I’ll send the zine out to you the next day, with no delivery charge.  If you would like me to include one of my free minizines, Twt, just leave me a note when you send me the money and I’ll put it in for you.  Don’t forget, you can read more about my zines on my zinewiki page - http://zinewiki.com/Catherine_Elms.

101 Things Update: changing the name to Day Zero Project, its actual name.  It’s neater, and shorter.  Also, I got a first in an essay at last, so that’s one more thing to add to the list of completed items! Yay! I know it’s a silly thing to celebrate when I consider how many of my friends get firsts all the time, but it’s a big deal for me.  I haven’t had over 70% since my first year, before my depression got really bad… so I’m going to allow myself to celebrate this little achievement.

Other things I’ve been up to include:

1. Writing essays

2. Writing my dissertation

3. Campaigning with my friend Rose, who is running to be Women’s Officer!  We went to Ocean to campaign last Friday, which was an interesting experience!  I had a good time though; it was nice to do something different on a Friday night, rather than staying in watching Embarrassing Bodies.

4. Watching lots of thought-provoking (but depressing) films for my Theology Through Film module:

Sometimes I talk too much. Or not enough. I’m not sure which.

Hank came over this Valentine’s Day weekend.  We saw the new film True Grit at the cinema (one of the IMDB Top 250 films, so it counted towards my 101 Things in 1001 Days project), went out for a romantic meal in the city centre, went for a walk along the canal, and cuddled in bed watching You’ve Got Mail.  He also bought be a bouquet of purple flowers.  Ah, love. <3

But the thing that satisfied me the most this weekend? I just talked and talked and talked. I feel as if so much has happened in the past two months that I’m really needing to find an outlet for all this pent-up frustration and, in some cases, excitement.  And sadly, most of those things aren’t suitable for a public discussion, so zines and blog posts are no longer tenable options to drain my brain into!  I kept apologizing to Hank for talking so much, but he was a sweetheart and told me that he loved to hear me talk, and it made a change from him talking all the time.  :)

We talked about my plans after graduation, my developing friendships, my decaying relationships with other people, the difficulties in my home life, my degree, and my improving mental health.  My, my, my, I know.  I’m going to allow myself to be selfish a little more often nowadays.  I think it’s healthy for women to allow themselves to just get it all out once in a while.

One thing that I needed to talk about was the fact that I almost ran for a position on my Student’s Union exec (something that IS okay to discuss in public!).  I had never considered the possibility of running before, because I automatically assumed that I could never do something like that, discounting my abilities without even thinking about it.  But recently, I’ve been feeling a lot better about my capabilities, so much so that I thought “Fuck it, why don’t I give it a go and run?”  On Thursday, I went to a NUS Women’s Campaign training day in London called “I Will Lead the Way” with three other women from the Women’s Network committee, all of which I didn’t know very well.  The workshops were all about leadership training and how to run a campaign.  I had a fantastic time, and got on really well with the committee members.  I even had a bit of a chat with a few other women there from other universities, which was lovely (but very scary)!  This bolstered my self-esteem even more, and made me feel like I should run, not only because I’d give it a good fucking go and throw myself into the role, but also because women are under-represented in our SU exec.  What if I ran for the position of President, I thought to myself?  How incredible would that be, to have a female President of the SU for the first time in years?!  Yeah, my thoughts ran away with me a bit, but still… I wanted to do it, and I wanted to improve my public speaking and leadership skills enough to be a brilliant executive… and that was a fantastic feeling.

As it turns out, the training day actually revealed that I wouldn’t be able to win a place on exec in the elections, as I don’t have a single person to support me on my campaign who isn’t an elected SU officer, or running for a position.  If I were to run a successful campaign, I’d need to be campaigning every single day for 2 weeks, from 8am until gone midnight in the student clubs.  For that to work, I’d need a campaign manager and a big campaign team to help me put up posters, talk to people in various places, hold up banners, wear my campaign t-shirts and badges, etc.  And I don’t have a single person who is in a position to do that for me!  That made me very very sad for a little while… but I’m over it now.  I’m choosing to evaluate this experience in a positive way – I feel that I want to do something like this, and even though I knew full well that the campaign and the job would be difficult, I was willing to work for it.

So recently I’m feeling more powerful and capable than I have for years.  God knows I’m gonna need it to deal with some of the shit that I’m having to deal with recently.

Zine Update: Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14 will be ready in time for the Brighton Zine Fest next weekend, where Miss Tukru will be tabling.  If you’re going, do pick up a copy from her!  Also, my minizine Twt #3 is finished and printed – if you want a free copy, get in touch!

Music Update: the free download of Gimme a Cure is still available at Bandcamp!  Download it and make me a happy lady please!

February Crafty Endeavours

Helloooo!  Things are good at the moment.  I’ve just had my results back for last semester, and I’m delighted with how well I’ve done, considering I was a complete mess for the first 2 weeks of January with stress!  I’ve just started my new modules, all of which are going well so far, and I’m writing my dissertation.  Very scary, but I’m feeling better about my abilities than ever before.  I’m trying to keep on top of everything, and get things done early so I don’t get too stressed out at a later date, which might mean less time for crafty things and blog updates… it’s regrettable, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

I’m now considering doing a Gender Studies MA instead of a PGCE, as lots of people have told me that teaching is a pretty tough route to go down unless you’re 100% committed and passionate about it… for the first time ever, I’m feeling relatively confident in my academic capabilities (not first-class confident, but 68% confident, which is also good), so maybe I could become an academic…?

Anyway, enough rambling.  I’ve got lots of crafty bits and pieces coming along nicely, most of which will hopefully come to light in the next month or so!  Keep your eyes peeled.

The new issue of Artemis is now available to view online at http://issuu.com/artemiszine, or pick up at upcoming Women’s Network events.  We’re trying to get a stand in the Portland building where we can let people pick up free copies, but there’s a lot of red tape to battle through.  Pffft.

 

Crafty endeavours this month include:

1. Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14
Yes, my next zine will be a split with Tukru!  SO excited about this; it’ll be out before the end of February!

2. Twt #3: Things I Dislike
Another free mini-zine.  Always fun to make (plus there’s something quite cathartic about voicing your frustrations/dislikes in a funny silly way, don’t you think?).

3. Writing new songs
I’ve got a bad habit of leaving songs unfinished before moving on to writing the next one.  This has happened again over the past few months, so one afternoon I went through my songbook, and planned out all the unfinished songs and fragments I had.  Turns out I have sixteen songs on half – and four finished – that are shaping up to be really great songs.  So technically, I could have finished writing my second album by the summer, which is so exciting.  I’ve had writers’ block for such a long time – I think I only wrote three proper songs in my first and second years of university.  When I hit my third year, I finally got my act together and started finishing songs, working on lyric and music drafts that had been floating around for years, and writing entirely new pieces.  It feels really good, to get back into it all.  Of course, I won’t be able to record my second album for at least another year, which sucks, but there ya go.

4. Secret project with Hannah (Not Lonely zine)
All will be revealed soon.

5. 101 Things in 1001 Days
Watched lots of awesome films in January (including Black Swan – soooo good!), and completed one or two other challenges too.

 

In other news, I’ve cut my hair a lot shorter and dyed the light bits red.  I don’t know if I like it.

I’m tempted to bleach the lot and go back to blue/turquoise.  I miss having hair this colour:

But that won’t be a wise decision if I’m planning to attend job interviews this year!  I hate being an adult.

Becoming an adult and other boring things.

Last week was tough.  I had to write a 6000 word essay on quantum theory and divine action, as well as revise for my feminist philosophy exam.  Leaving all my work until the week before it was due was not the best decision I’ve ever made.  But it’s all finished now, so seeing as my lectures don’t start until next week, I’ve decided to come home for a little while to sponge off my parents a little longer!  I’ve got some dissertation reading to do, and am writing bits and pieces for my next zine.  Things are good.  I feel good.

And now the reality of adulthood is beginning to creep in.  I finish university forever in four months!  I’ll be moving back home to Wales in the summer, where I will officially be a fully-qualified adult.  I considered living with Hank after graduation, but our lives are so hectic and unstable that it wouldn’t be wise to try to rent a flat together and struggle to pay rent/bills as well. Living at home with my parents is a bit of a step backwards, but at least I know they’ll only charge a little rent, and only when I’m working full-time, so it makes sense financially.

I’m considering training to become a teacher when I graduate.  I’m stuck in that awkward situation of having a fairly good degree, but not enough extra-curricular experience to set me apart from the hundreds of thousands other applicants who will be chasing the really good well-paid jobs.  There are lots of things I’ve considered doing which I’d enjoy, such as becoming a journalist or a piano teacher, but they’re all fairly low-paid work.  I think that coming from a working-class background and getting launched into a middle-class university has made me feel as if I deserve a bit of money for myself for the first time in my life.  And all things considered, teaching seems like a good option for me, even if it is a bit of a cop-out (those who can’t, teach – right?).  I could moan about this for days, but I’ll end it here.  I don’t know, I suppose I can still keep doing my music and zine stuff alongsaide a normal job… I mean, the musician Peaches was a teacher before she began recording!

Anyway, onto nicer news.  Artemis is coming along really well – at the moment I’ve finished putting it together, and it’ll be taken to the print shop tomorrow hopefully.  Here is the front cover, designed by yours truly – we’re getting the cover printed in full colour too, exciting stuff!

Zine Update: Here. In My Head. #7 is going to be a split-zine with Your Pretty Face Is Going Straight To Hell! #14, written by Tukru!  I’m so excited to be working with her, I’ve always admired her work.  It’ll be released in time for Brighton Zine Fest (19th & 20th February).

101 Things Update: I watched a few films over Christmas that were in the IMDB Top 250 – some I loved, some I didn’t.  I also got my engagement ring re-plated.  The updated list can be found here.

Other: I’m deleting my Formspring account in a few days – I keep getting loads of spam/abusive questions, and the number of genuinely interesting/entertaining questions are outnumbered by spam 10 to 1.  So I’m keeping it open for the next week for you guys to get your last anonymous questions in.  Ask me anything, and if it’s not abusive or irrelevant, I’ll try my best to answer!  http://www.formspring.me/catherineelms

End of Term Bits and Bobs

Ah, the end of term.  I am currently in my lovely warm student house, curled up in the front room with a cuppa and a blanket, with my suitcase packed and ready to go home tomorrow. <3  Anyway, as happy as I am to be going home, I have had a really good time this term.  Highlights of the term include:

044. Play a gig – COMPLETED!
I did it!  Who’dve thought it, eh?  To be honest, I wasn’t happy with my performance – I was really nervous, and my hands and legs were shaking so much that my hands kept slipping and I kept making silly mistakes.  That’s such an embarrassing thing to admit to, heh.  Still, I went up there and played.  I have some really messy difficult feelings about that evening in my head – one the one hand, I’m really disappointed in myself for being so badly-rehearsed; on the other hand, I’m really proud that I managed to go through with it, and go through it alone.  I went to the gig by myself in a taxi with my big unwieldy stage piano and stand (my flatmate/good friend didn’t want to go for… political reasons, I guess you could call them), I set up and packed down by myself with the sound guy, I mingled and made conversation with strangers by myself, I performed by myself (for only the third time in my life), and I made my way home by myself.  That all sounds very basic and obvious, but I can’t tell you how much of a step forward this is for me.  I’d usually go with Hank or a similarly chatty and knowledgeable friend, who’d more or less do everything for me – setting up, introducing me to people, etc… but I did it all by myself for the first time in my life.  Damn, that was a tough night.  And even though I didn’t perform as well as I could have, it was a useful experience in highlighting what it is I need to improve on.  I should also add that all the Women’s Network committee members were really nice and complimented me on my performance, which was very helpful and put me at ease – although part of me felt that they were only saying those things to make me feel better, I kinda know that’s probably not true.

Clementine Cannibal wrote a really apt blog post a few days ago about performing live, and how us women need to just get out there and fucking do it.  This blog post encouraged me to try to stay positive about this whole experience – yeah, maybe I was a bit mediocre, but at least I tried.

“i know i can’t just hide away until i’m super good and then play in front of people. i need to play in front of people right now. i need to get used to it, so my nervousness doesn’t overtake me and i can concentrate on what i’m doing. it’s really really scary. it’s scary to try. it’s scary to suck. but it’s necessary and important to growth. music isn’t just for people who have had extensive training in it. music is for everyone. the only way to get good at playing is to play. the only way to get good at playing in front of people is to play in front of people.”

I’ve put more photos up on my Facebook page and my website if you want  to take a look.

Getting to the end of it without any sort of mental breakdown!
Damn. I know this is a completely mundane and everyday thing to celebrate, but I have to stop and acknowledge that this is excellent progress for me.  Last winter I was a complete mess – I quit making zines because my self-esteem was at rock bottom, I just about managed to get through the academic work but barely put any effort into it, I almost didn’t go back to university when I was home for Christmas because I never thought I’d make it through the rest of the year.  And here I am, a year on – getting solid grades and mostly coping with everything.  Yay!

Studying a feminist philosophy module.
I wrote my essay on the norms of feminine appearance, which I’m going to use bits from for a new piece in my next zine!  My lecturer said she really enjoyed reading it, but I didn’t get the first I was hoping for, so meh.  Still, it was a fun module with some very interesting weekly reading material.

Seeing Melissa Auf der Maur live. (see this entry for more details on the evening!)

My dissertation.
I’m writing about Christian feminism – specifically, whether it’s possible to be a Christian feminist without compromising one or the other to make them fit together.  And I’m rather enjoying it.  I have a good (professional) relationship with my supervisor, which helps.  I told her about my depression, so she’s been really supportive and helpful this term when I’ve seen her.  I think the biggest reason that this is a highlight is because throughout the past 2 years of university, I was terrified of doing a dissertation (as mentioned in my previous blog post).  Now that I’m in the midst of it all and keeping on top of everything, it feels good.

What my Friday nights look like.

Writing an essay on Pullman’s His Dark Materials.
I haven’t had the grade back yet, but I’m hoping I did quite well, because I really enjoyed writing this, even though it was 6,000 words long!  I also read the entire trilogy (all 1000+ pages of it) over the course of 4 days, which is incredible progress for someone who usually takes weeks and weeks to read a book!

Snow!
I only fell over once!

The view from the Portland Building.

So far, this academic year has been my best year yet.  Not that it’s been perfect, of course – I’ve still had to deal with a lot of shit from people… but I won’t go into that now.  It feels as if I’m gradually becoming more stable and independent, and more able to cope with the world.  My time is now.