Music progress, & Cardiff adventures!

My gig at the Masons last Friday went soooo well!  The audience and the staff were incredibly supportive and enthusiastic, and I was even asked to do a little encore!  It was one of the best gigs I’ve ever played.  Unfortunately I don’t have any photos to share, but I will be performing again there in June (date TBC) so will make sure I’ll have lots of photos taken then!  I’m also going to record some videos of future live gig to put online so my friends and supporters from further afield can live vicariously through my YouTube channel!

I’m playing at the Uplands Tavern open mic night tomorrow – it’s a bank holiday so you have no excuse not to come and say hello

Since the last gig I’ve started to get things moving again - I’ve joined a function band on keys and backing vocals with a few local musicians, and our first rehearsal last week went very well!  We’re learning a lot of cheesy 80s hair metal, it’s great I wanna rock! 

Over the next few months I’m hoping to get my website tidied up, get more promo shots done with local photographer Donna-lee, record some of my new songs, and make a music video!  It’s gonna be so good! 2013 will be the year of Getting Shit Done.

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On the weekend my partner Daf and I went away to Cardiff to celebrate his 30th birthday.  We had such a wonderful time, and were very fortunate that we had lovely weather all weekend!

We tried Yo Sushi for the first time – delicious, but those plates really add up to make an expensive bill! – also Daf’s first taste of sushi ever!  I also took him to Wagamama for the first time, which was lovely, though as usual I overestimated how much food I could push into my face, and ended up eating so much that I needed to have a kip afterwards.

We had some drinks down the bay; Las Iguanas had 2-for-1 cocktails on, so we had to get 2 pitchers of long island iced tea – both mine and Daf’s favourite cocktail.

Then we tried some of their other wares, and promptly got smashed.

I am actually hammered in this photo.

The following day we spent a few hours at the Doctor Who Experience, which was awesome!  Here are some of my favourite photos from the exhibition; you can see the rest on my Facebook page.

When Daf took this photo, I said “I look good there, I think I’d make a good companion!”, to which he replied “you’d make a good time lord!” <3

We didn’t have time to do any shopping – we both wanted to check out Forbidden Planet particularly – so hopefully we’ll go back soon for another romantic weekend.

2012: My Year In Review

Five Best Things About 2012

1. Did a zine reading, tabled, and hung out with lots of cool feminists at the club night REVOLT in Coventry.

2. Met some of my lovely zinester friends at Little Zine Party and Girls Get Busy Zinefest this summer!

3. Felt much happier and loved myself more than ever – partly thanks to taking part in positive projects including The Happiness Manifesto and 365 Ways to Change the World, and surrounding myself with good friends and lovers.

4. Played another successful solo gig (though I need to play more!)

5. Did more crafty projects and mostly managed to keep busy and productive.  I made lots of handmade gifts for Christmas this year, and will be blogging about them soon!

My friends Caitlin, Kirsty and I dressed up as each other for halloween. It was awesome.

Five New Experiences of 2012:

1. Bought a new car for myself (pic)

2. Ran a workshop at UK Feminista Summer School – one of my proudest moments of 2012! (blog)

3. Recorded guest vocals/keys/bass on a friend’s EP (blog)

4. Tried vlogging

5. Went veggie for a week (blog)

Zinesters at Little Zine Party in Birmingham

Review of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2012:

1. Finish my epic university-themed zine – completed!  I’m really happy with how it turned out, and I’d have to say that it’s my favourite zine I’ve created so far.  (If you’re interested in buying a copy, details can be found here)

2. Attend Million Women Rise – completed!  Read about my experiences of the protest march here.

3. Either do a Moonwalk or a Race for Life – failed.  I’ve wanted to do these for years, but keep forgetting to actually register. Oh well.  There’s always next year.

4. Complete at least 50 Day Zero Project tasks in total – completed!  My review of the Day Zero Project will be published before the end of the month, so keep your eyes open for that.

5. Join a band – completed!  Admittedly I’m not in any of these bands any more, but at least I had the experience of joining a few bands and playing with other musicians.  It was great for my self-esteem, and encouraged me to put more effort into my bass playing.

My friends and I at Million Women Rise in March

Five New Year’s Resolutions for 2013:

1. Play at least 3 more gigs

2. Try yoga – this was one of the uncompleted tasks from my Day Zero Project that I wish I’d made more of an effort to complete.

3. Read at least 2 books per month

4. Save money for a deposit on a flat/house

5. Get a tattoo!

I saw this quote on Twitter and thought I’d share it with you.  Happy New Year everyone – may 2013 be your best year yet!

Sometimes I talk too much. Or not enough. I’m not sure which.

Hank came over this Valentine’s Day weekend.  We saw the new film True Grit at the cinema (one of the IMDB Top 250 films, so it counted towards my 101 Things in 1001 Days project), went out for a romantic meal in the city centre, went for a walk along the canal, and cuddled in bed watching You’ve Got Mail.  He also bought be a bouquet of purple flowers.  Ah, love. <3

But the thing that satisfied me the most this weekend? I just talked and talked and talked. I feel as if so much has happened in the past two months that I’m really needing to find an outlet for all this pent-up frustration and, in some cases, excitement.  And sadly, most of those things aren’t suitable for a public discussion, so zines and blog posts are no longer tenable options to drain my brain into!  I kept apologizing to Hank for talking so much, but he was a sweetheart and told me that he loved to hear me talk, and it made a change from him talking all the time.  :)

We talked about my plans after graduation, my developing friendships, my decaying relationships with other people, the difficulties in my home life, my degree, and my improving mental health.  My, my, my, I know.  I’m going to allow myself to be selfish a little more often nowadays.  I think it’s healthy for women to allow themselves to just get it all out once in a while.

One thing that I needed to talk about was the fact that I almost ran for a position on my Student’s Union exec (something that IS okay to discuss in public!).  I had never considered the possibility of running before, because I automatically assumed that I could never do something like that, discounting my abilities without even thinking about it.  But recently, I’ve been feeling a lot better about my capabilities, so much so that I thought “Fuck it, why don’t I give it a go and run?”  On Thursday, I went to a NUS Women’s Campaign training day in London called “I Will Lead the Way” with three other women from the Women’s Network committee, all of which I didn’t know very well.  The workshops were all about leadership training and how to run a campaign.  I had a fantastic time, and got on really well with the committee members.  I even had a bit of a chat with a few other women there from other universities, which was lovely (but very scary)!  This bolstered my self-esteem even more, and made me feel like I should run, not only because I’d give it a good fucking go and throw myself into the role, but also because women are under-represented in our SU exec.  What if I ran for the position of President, I thought to myself?  How incredible would that be, to have a female President of the SU for the first time in years?!  Yeah, my thoughts ran away with me a bit, but still… I wanted to do it, and I wanted to improve my public speaking and leadership skills enough to be a brilliant executive… and that was a fantastic feeling.

As it turns out, the training day actually revealed that I wouldn’t be able to win a place on exec in the elections, as I don’t have a single person to support me on my campaign who isn’t an elected SU officer, or running for a position.  If I were to run a successful campaign, I’d need to be campaigning every single day for 2 weeks, from 8am until gone midnight in the student clubs.  For that to work, I’d need a campaign manager and a big campaign team to help me put up posters, talk to people in various places, hold up banners, wear my campaign t-shirts and badges, etc.  And I don’t have a single person who is in a position to do that for me!  That made me very very sad for a little while… but I’m over it now.  I’m choosing to evaluate this experience in a positive way – I feel that I want to do something like this, and even though I knew full well that the campaign and the job would be difficult, I was willing to work for it.

So recently I’m feeling more powerful and capable than I have for years.  God knows I’m gonna need it to deal with some of the shit that I’m having to deal with recently.

Zine Update: Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14 will be ready in time for the Brighton Zine Fest next weekend, where Miss Tukru will be tabling.  If you’re going, do pick up a copy from her!  Also, my minizine Twt #3 is finished and printed – if you want a free copy, get in touch!

Music Update: the free download of Gimme a Cure is still available at Bandcamp!  Download it and make me a happy lady please!

November Zine Reviews!

Telegram Ma’am #19: The Winter Survival Issue
Maranda, Canada – schoolformapsATgmail.com
As we’re well into our horrid British winter, I thought a review of this zine seemed rather apt!  This issue is a short but sweet zine, listing 27 tips to help you survive the long winter months, particularly focusing on how to survive SAD (Seasonal Affection Disorder).  Some of the things Maranda suggests include knitting your own scarf, burn scented candles, write letters, go for a long walk, and build a blanket fort!  I found many of the tips suggested (e.g. setting yourself small goals such as going outside every day) really helpful, as I suffer from SAD and can find the winter really difficult to get through too.  Highly recommended.
(Maranda has now released Telegram Ma’am 19.5, a longer version of this Winter survival zine.  I’ve yet to read it, but you can buy a copy at Maranda’s Etsy store if you’re interested!)

Edgy! #11
Star Blue,  US – edgystarATgmail.com

A half-sized perzine from the US, Edgy #11 contains an interesting combination of serious contemplative content and fun, silly stuff.  Star Blue includes her thoughts on wanting to be a larger than life character, wanting to make her own reality, aiming towards bodily perfection and being happy with her body,  her experiences of racism as a white mexican girl, and some well-written poetry.  There’s also some fun comics on dreams of kissing Owen Wilson, adventures at her job in Box Office Video, and thrifty summer fashion, as well as written pieces on male celebrity crushes, cute things her boyfriend does that she loves, and an awesome rap about Angelina Jolie – “angelina – tougher than xena – on the cover of a magazina“!  Some people will undoubtedly enjoy the variety, but personally I felt that by jamming the serious stuff and fun stuff together in one zine, it kinda detracted from both aspects, making the zine feel disjointed and lacking impact.  I would’ve preferred one or the other, as both the fun content and the serious content was enjoyable in itself!  But that’s just my personal preference.  On the plus side, everything is well-written, with an attractive layout and a colour cover (I love colour covers!).

Fight Boredom With Girl Love!
Edited by Amber, Canada – amber.norreanATgmail.com

The fifth issue of Amber’s boredom-busting compzine,  Fight Boredom with Girl Love is my favourite yet.  In the intro, Amber explains that this zine has a strong focus on riot grrrl, as jealousy and girl-hate was a frequently discussed topic among riot grrrls.  As well as some brief background info on the riot grrrl movement, the zine includes discussions on female jealousy and competitiveness, the emerging culture of women hating each other instead of supporting each other, internalized sexism, reclaiming sexist language, the problem with rape jokes, feminism in the 90s sitcom “Roseanne”, and ways to deal with jealousy.  There are also a few pages of thoughts on riot grrrl and the supposed revival from a number of well-known zinesters including Ciara Xyerra, Maranda Elizabeth, and Ocean Capewell.  The zine is presented in Amber’s signature typewritten and cut-and-paste visual style, which is gorgeous to look at.  Near the end, Amber features the usual zine reviews, some feminist book recommendations, and the inspirational original riot grrrl manifesto (which you can read here).  I think every woman should read this zine, because it features all those themes of girl love that we should be encouraging in our fellow sisters, and at 34 pages, it’s an entertaining and pithy read.  If you don’t already own this zine, get your hands on a copy, and share it with your girl friends!  Spread the virus!  <3

Licking Stars off Ceilings #17
Clementine Cannibal, Canada – lickingstarsoffAThotmail.com

The thing I love about this zine is how Clementine’s writing develops and improves with every issue. I’ve been reading this zine since #4, and the content just gets better and better.  Issue 17 is the latest in the zine series, and is by far my favourite issue of LSOC!  Clementine describes this zine as “a zine about making changes, making choices and figuring out who i am and what i want”, which I think sums it up pretty well!  She writes about dealing with relationship problems, overcoming alcoholism and being sober, how the meaning of love has changed for her recently, her bisexuality, violence against women, and grrrl zines.  My favourite piece was her fascinating discussion on psychiatric medication, where Clementine argues, very respectfully, that we should seek political answers to our problems rather than chemical answers.  I gotta say, this really rings true for me.  These ideas of community, mutual support, friendship and self-love seem to obvious, yet the medical authorities always go for the “easy” option – drugging us up.  It’s something I think about a lot, as a medicated depressive who has to pay for every month’s lot of pills.  You hear all these stories of people with depression where they say things like: ”I have a great car, a great boyfriend, a great job, lots of money, lots of stuff… so why aren’t I happy?”  Maybe there is a chemical cause, who knows.  Or maybe we’re allowing captialism to define happiness and contentment for us, when in fact they’ve got it all wrong.  I think Clementine’s onto something when she argues that symptoms of depression are actually “symptoms of living in a soul-denying profit-driven capitalist racist misogynistic [society]“.   She writes in such a powerful and inspiring way, and it really makes you think about these issues in a way you may not have considered before.
As well as the longer written pieces, there are some lists, some girlVIRUS flyers, drawings, and more little goodies.  The layout is great too, with handwritten and typewritten pages on interesting patterned backgrounds.  Thoroughly enjoyable, as ever!

girlVIRUS, Plantasia, and other Summer Fun

Two weeks ago I had a job for a grand total of two days in a little cafe in the Carmarthen area, and although I was worried that I’d be too clumsy to do a good job there, the two shifts I worked went really well!  I got on well with the woman who ran the kitchen, who used to live in my village, and the boss of the building was nice to me as well.  Then the day after my second shift I got a phone call from them, and was told that they had decided that I was “not right for the job”, and didn’t want me to come into work again.  ”Not right for the job”?  ”Not right” for clearing tables and making coffees?  I thought I was doing rather well – I was keeping busy, asking the staff if they wanted any help, being polite, and picking things up quickly enough… but I guess I wasn’t chatty enough for them.  That’s the only thing I can think of that was wrong with me.  My family were fuming – when I told my auntie about what had happened, she called my ex-boss a “cunt”, haha.  Okay, I know her using the word “cunt” as an insult is problematic from a feminist perspective, but I can’t deny that it made me laugh to hear my auntie use such harsh language.  I’m quite upset about losing my job because I’ve only got 4 weeks left at home, which is pretty off-putting for potential employers, so it’s looking likely that I won’t get any work this summer now.  I’m already well into my overdraft and haven’t even paid September’s rent yet.

At the moment Hank is working full time for the same electrical installation company that my dad works for, which means I’m at home on my own most days.  He’s currently working in Aberdeen for the next two weeks, and I miss him already!  I’ve been visiting my grandmother a few times a week, cleaning her kitchen out, taking her to her regular hospital and doctor’s appointments, and helping her out with her laundry.  She always gives me petrol money, and sometimes a little extra just to say thank you, so that’s been nice.

I’m helping out my auntie with her Slimming World class (yes, the same auntie mentioned above) – I’m put in charge of weighing the members or (wo)manning the shop.  I’m not sure how I feel about the whole Slimming World thing – one the one hand, the plan that my auntie advocates is a healthy plan where you try to cut down on junk food, etc, and make food using fresh vegetables rather than buy pre-made supermarket stuff (e.g. pasta sauces and soups, which can be loaded with salts and sugars if bought pre-made).  I can’t deny that that’s a good thing – eating healthy fresh food is good for everyone.  However, some of the rules are very difficult and seem a little strange.  I also think the focus on weight and numbers is a little silly – a lot of members only ever lose half a pound or so every week.  Half a pound?  The amount you’ve eaten and drank that afternoon will massively affect your weight when you’re being that precise, surely?  Is it productive to focus on something that can vary so much?  I don’t know.  All I know is that I love my auntie and I like spending time with her, she needs help with her class… so for now I’m going to just ignore the preachy voice in my head that’s shrieking “RIOTS NOT DIETS!!!“

I’ve also been walking with my auntie and her walking club  - I’ve only been twice, but I had a lovely time on both walks.  The first was a five mile walk up Pontarddulais mountain, and the second was a 6 mile walk in Ogmore-by-Sea – very tiring, but lovely to be in the outdoors, seeing new sights and getting lots of exercise.  I also had a lovely chat with my auntie.

That's me, walking up a deceptively steep hill in Pontardulais.

The view from the top of the mountain.

Scary sign on the cliff

Sheep!

My dad has finally managed to get a company car, which means I get my lovely little Ford Fiesta back all to myself!  I’ve cleaned her out thoroughly and bought a blueberry-flavoured Jelly Belly air freshener, so she smells beautiful.  I’ve been driving Hank around a lot recently in my car – partly because I love my car now that she’s clean and fresh, but also because Hank has been too ill to want to drive recently.  We’ve been going on dates and spending a lot of time talking and doing coupley things, it’s been just lovely.

Hank in Eddie Rocket's Diner last week.

We went to Plantasia last weekend, and saw some scary creepy crawlies and plants.  I really didn’t want to go because I don’t like creepy crawlies, and have a crippling phobia of spiders.  Hank eventually persuaded me to go in with him, and I was on edge the whole time!  The very first tank in the room was a tarantula tank.  Bastards.

It looks like I posed for that picture, but that is what I genuinely looked like for most of the afternoon!

Fish!

Hank with a burmese python in Plantasia, eeek!

With a very big plant.

I went to see my dear friend Sarah in Cardiff two weeks ago, and it was lovely to have a good catch up and spend some quality time together.  I like Cardiff, I forgot how much of a nice city it is.  We saw Inception – such an awesome film!

I created a Facebook group for girlVIRUS/grrrlVIRUS UK a fortnight ago – please join!  For those of you who don’t know, grrrlVIRUS originated as a world-wide Facebook group, which was created to empower women, and give them a way to meet other kick-ass girls!  Clementine Cannibal started the international movement, which has since spawned sister groups based in Sweden, Australia, Israel, and Italy.  A large part of the movement is flyering, whereby you make your own girlVIRUS flyers (see below) and post them in your area in order to give people something to think about when they see the flyers (many of them are posted in busy cities, and often next to sexist adverts).  It’s also a great way to find other kick-ass women and create your own girl gang!  I’ve finished my first set of flyers, and am taking them to the photocopier tomorrow.  Clementine Cannibal has a page dedicated to the virus on her blog, where you can print out the girlVIRUS flyers to distribute in your area – check it out here!

“The VIRUS that tells me deep in my brainstem that I can be whatever it is that I want to be” – Courtney Love

Music News: We’re still working on an album cover and an album title, but we’ve got a few ideas we’re throwing around.  Thankfully Hank has finally bought himself a Canon SLR camera with his earnings, so we can go on spontaneous photo shoots!  If anyone has any suggestions for album covers, do let me know!  I’ve been playing a lot of piano since I’ve been home from recording in Leeds, and am working on the second album.  We’re going to hopefully get another EP out next summer, which is very exciting indeed.

101 Things Update: During my time at Leeds, I managed to get some classic books read.  I’ve also since seen 3 more films from IMDB’s top 250, and managed to go a whole weekend without TV or internet!  A few days ago I started my Ideal Home scrapbook!

Failed a few things too, sadly. Check it out here.

Zine News: I’m currently working on Here. In My Head. #5, and have finished making another free mini-zine to include with trades.  I only have two copies of Here. In My Head. #2 and ONE copy of Here. In My Head. #3 left before they go out of print forever, and both are for sale as I want to get rid of them ASAP!  Details are available here; if you want to buy any of them please send me an email or leave me a comment.

Other: A few weeks ago, I wrote an article on sex work for the University of Nottingham magazine, Impact.  You can read the article here on their website - please leave me a comment and let me know what you think!

Love and Valentine’s Day

Last weekend I went to visit Hank in Leeds for an early Valentine’s weekend.  We thought this was a good idea because we knew how busy this weekend would be, and how difficult it would be for us to get into a restaurant or see a film, so doing something nice together a week before Valentine’s would mean it would be less stressful.  Unfortunately, this was not the case.  In fact, Hank got really stressed out on the day I arrived because he had to rush around buying food, changing his bed, cleaning his room, and cleaning the kitchen after one of his flatmates had left it in a right state.  By the time I got there, he was tired and stressed, and I misinterpreted his quietness as a sign that I wasn’t welcome, so I got really upset.  Of course, he reassured me that he definitely did want me there, but I found it hard to enjoy myself when he was so quiet.  Sunday and Monday were better though, because we spent some time with his friends and had a good time.  On Sunday we met up with his friend Simon, and the three of us plus Flannel Piggy (my favourite soft toy) went to the museum:

On Sunday night we had spaghetti bolognese and apple pie with his flatmates and their partners, which was nice.  I did feel a bit awkward because I hadn’t met them all before, and I barely said two words all evening… but otherwise I had a nice time.  Hank is coming to visit me in 3 weeks because my flatmates are going home for a fortnight and I don’t like being alone in this big creaky house for too long.  I’m looking forward to it, because we always seem to have a better time at mine than at his.

Although I had a nice time overall at Hank’s place, it didn’t feel very romantic, and we didn’t really get into the Valentine’s mood.  Normally this wouldn’t bother me, but this year felt different.  A few days ago, my flatmate asked me what Hank and I had bought each other for Valentine’s Day, and I told her that we couldn’t afford to buy each other gifts, so we just got each other cards.  She seemed surprised when I said that.  My flatmate and her boyfriend like to buy each other nice gifts all the time, and use every opportunity to do so – birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day.  Of course, this year was no different, and she spent about £30 on him.  Her enthusiasm for Valentine’s Day rubbed off on me a little, and it made me feel really bad, actually.  I wish I had the money to spoil Hank, but I’m already into my overdraft, and I can’t afford to buy anything other than food right now.  Hank and I have never taken Valentine’s Day all that seriously, and we’ve never really celebrated it before, apart from buying each other cards sometimes.  One the one hand, I have to admit that a day dedicated to love and romance is a nice idea.  On the other hand (brace yourself for a huge cliche), Valentine’s Day is so commericalised, and the original romantic notion behind it has been twisted so the day is all about spending money on your loved one.  Buy him/her a card that probably costs 1/10th of the price to make and will be thrown away days later, an overpriced M&S ready meal, a bunch of cut flowers that will die in a week, one of those lame “love” compilation CDs from HMV.  It’s as if your love for someone can be measured in money, and that makes me feel uncomfortable.  I think it makes Hank feel uncomfortable too.  We’ve never exactly been wealthy, so I guess we never bought into Valentine’s Day because we don’t need overpriced cards to show how much we love each other.  We usually just do something romantic, like go for a walk on the beach, or bake cupcakes together.  I really wanted to bake him some cookies this year and post them to him, but it wasn’t possible because he has the world’s smallest postbox, and he would have to go into the Sorting Office in Leeds city centre to pick up my package.  I think that would cause him far too much stress to be considered a romantic gesture.

Normally I would be able to ignore the Valentine’s stuff and remember all this about love being free, but this year the Valentine’s mood felt more pervasive than before.  For the first time ever, I felt quite pathetic for not buying Hank anything.  I felt like a bad girlfriend, like we weren’t a proper couple for buying each other anything.  I know rationally that it’s not true, but I can’t help feeling a bit sad about it all.  I am trying to remain positive though, and I keep telling myself that it’ll all be over in 12 hours…

I did find an Anti-Valentine’s Day card that really amused me, and so I’m going to post it here for you cynics out there (and the things mentioned are exactly what I will be doing today, sadly):

What Else I Did This Week:
I signed up to a workshop on overcoming procrastination – I have to keep a log of what tasks I complete for the next week.  I hope I learn something useful!  I also started my first piece of coursework on the 1950s domestic housewife, wrote a letter to a fellow zinester, and made a mini-zine to advertise Nottingham’s production of The Vagina Monologues.  Keep an eye out for copies around campus.