Zine fests, workshops, and feministing!

So, it’s been a busy, productive year so far! here are a few of the things I’ve been up to recently, in reverse date order:

1. Sheffield Zine Fest!

Me at the zinefest, wearing a t-shirt designed by Tukru! (photo by Chella Quint)

Organiser Bettie with her homemade bunting – photo by Chella Quint

the venue – Daf, James and I are on the far left! (photo by Laura Bainbridge)

Last Saturday I tabled and held a workshop on zines and feminism at Sheffield Zine Fest.  The day was pretty manic – I drove to Sheffield that morning with my partner Daf and my friends Caitlin and James, and it ended up taking us far longer to get there than we expected (about 5 hours, with stops).  Next time, I’ll definitely travel up the night before and stay overnight!  So we ended up getting to the venue an hour late, which was a pain in the arse.  We also had to park in the city centre, which cost us a fortune, but we were so late that we didn’t have the time to look for cheaper parking.  Thankfully the organisers Bettie and Chella were totally understanding of my lateness, and I ended up having a lovely time at the event once I’d calmed down!

The venue was amazing – a building right in the city centre, with bright green carpets, modern architecture, and a giant slide from the top floor to the bottom floor (which I was too busy to try out – gutted!).  We were only there for 4 hours in the end, and the day went by so quickly!  First I attended a workshop on street harassment hosted by Hollaback Sheffield, which was lots of fun.  Then I put on my workshop, which went really well!  I was a bit nervous and felt that I’d rushed through it a little, but everyone gave some great feedback, and we all got together for the last 30 minutes to make some feminist minizines together.  I’d definitely like to hold this workshop again sometime!  After that, I whizzed around the stalls, forgot to ask for trades and ended up buying loads of zines instead, forgot to take many photos, and didn’t get a chance to chat with anyone for as long as I wanted to.  We then left at 5pm.  I didn’t even eat, I was that rushed (and anyone who knows me will know how unusual that is!).

I sold a fair few zines, so that was good.  I also gave out a shedload of my free minizines and flyers.  Daf and James manned the stall for me while Caitlin and I went around saying hello to all our zine friends – thanks guys  It was a really good day for me socially – I felt pretty comfortable and confident there, got to catch up with my favourite zinesters, and met some new people too  

2. Million Women Rise

Me and my friend Adele at MWR – photo by Natalie Wlock

I marched through central London on the national feminist demo Million Women Rise on 9th March.  It was lots of fun, very lively and inspiring.  I’ve uploaded all my photos to the SFN Facebook page – take a look at them here.

3. International Women’s Day

On Thursday 7th March, SFN held its International Women’s Day, co-hosted by Swansea Women’s Centre and the Swansea University Students’ Union.  I helped out a lot with the organising of the event, and volunteered to hold 2 workshops – one on zines and feminism, and the other on pro-choice activism, based on the training day I’d attended the previous week.  I also volunteered to play an acoustic set in the afternoon.  Very scary, but exciting!

The event itself was a wee bit disappointing – the SU hadn’t cleaned/tidied the venue for us, so we had to rush around for an hour or so cleaning everything beforehand.  Then the turnout was a bit disappointing, and we were all pretty frustrated about this as we’d worked so hard to publicise the event.  We ended up skipping my pro-choice workshop as there weren’t enough people to warrant running 2 workshops side-by-side.  I played some music around lunchtime, then after lunch I held the zines workshop, which went really well!  Afterwards, I joined Kat’s knitting workshop, which was very friendly and relaxed, with people of differing abilities there.

Although the event was disappointing, it was a good day for me in terms of doing things outside my comfort zone, being sociable and getting shit done, and  I felt really proud of myself for getting through it all.  I wrote a short review of the day, with photos, over at the SFN blog.

4. Goodbye Mariachi EP

EP cover

I recorded piano, vocals and bass on my friend Daniel Karl Morgan’s EP, ‘Goodbye Mariachi’!  You can read the liner notes and buy a copy at Dan’s website.

I also attended a pro-choice training day in Bristol, was filmed live on BBC3 discussing casual sexism (sort of), and released Pandora Press #5, all of which you can read about here.  Life is good, and there’s more fun stuff to come!

A Night At The Musicals: 23 November

Just a quick update today – I’m performing at New Directions Theatrical Society’s winter revue ‘A Night At The Musicals‘ on Friday 23 November.  I’ll be singing and playing keys as part of a We Will Rock You medley, and I’ll be singing a solo from ‘Grease’! I haven’t really done much like this before so it should be lots of fun.  More details here.

Other News: photos from REVOLT, the feminist punk night I performed at last month, are now available to view here.

Review: REVOLT @ Taylor John’s House, Coventry

So last Saturday I tabled and did a zine reading at feminist club night REVOLT in Coventry, and had such a cracking time!

I went with my friends Caitlin and Sarah-Beth (author of Ellipsis zine), and met Lizzy from Marching Stars distro at the venue.  Our tables were set up just next to the bar, along with Coventry City Derby Dolls, who were selling zines and merch.  It was nice to catch up with everyone, and I met a few new people, including Amy Ismay, author of Her Kind zine, and Ruth Pearce, bassist of punk band ‘Not Right’.

The bands playing were lots of fun!  The atmosphere in the live room was lovely too; everyone seemed supportive and enthusiastic.  Highlights included:

-  Ferocious riot grrrl band ‘Skinny Girl Diet’:

image via http://skinnygirldietband.tumblr.com/ (not taken at REVOLT, sadly!)

- Noisy punk band ‘Parataxis‘, whose setlist included the songs ‘Everybody Shits’ and ‘David Cameron is a Dick’.

- Queer cabaret group ‘Lashings of Ginger Beer Time‘ – I loved their performance of Adam & The Ant’s ‘Stand and Deliver’ dressed as members of the Tory party (which you can watch online here), but their song ‘Vagina Dentata’, sung to the tune of ‘Hakuna Matata’, was bloody hilarious (“It’s our phallus-free philosophy…“)!

Unfortunately I couldn’t find any pictures taken on the night, though I did take a half-decent one of ‘Not Right‘ performing a song called ‘Tory Scum’ (“when I say tory, you say scum! tory! SCUM! tory! SCUM!”):

Then came the spoken word section, where I performed alongside talented local poets Bethany Norris and Prue Chamberlain.  My reading went really well, and despite my nerves I made it through without any mistakes, and without too much shaking!  I read a piece called ‘Fuck Shyness’ from Here In My Head. #7, and I had a lot of positive feedback afterwards about the honesty and bravery of my reading.  I was so chuffed, thank you all for your lovely comments!

The evening ended with an excellent DJ set by Atta Girl, which included amazing female-fronted music such as Queenadreena, Hole, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Pixies, and Bikini Kill (as an aside, I had no idea how to dance to most of it, especially the heavier stuff like ‘Pretty Like Drugs‘ – I opted for some sexy headbanging, and might have just about got away with it!).  Of course, an evening of dancing with Caitlin wouldn’t be complete without a drunken rendition of Azealia Banks’ ‘212‘, and Atta Girl thankfully agreed to play it for us.  They closed their set with ‘Ask’ by The Smiths, which they dedicated to me, “shy girl from Swansea”!

And, I drove to Coventry and back!  Thankfully the journey was incident-free, aside from having to go around the odd roundabout a few times before we found the right exit, and Caitlin’s excellent female-fronted hip hop playlist kept us going through the 4 hour journey!  Thundering down the M4 screaming the lyrics to Destiny’s Child’s ‘Survivor’ will remain a fond memory of mine for a while.

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In other news, I will be playing piano and doing a spot of singing in a revue with New Directions Theatrical Society at the end of November!  I haven’t really done any musical theatre before (apart from a load of chorus singing when I was in my teens), so it’s fun to give it a go again.  I’ll update with more details once they become available.

I also hope to book a solo gig within before the end of November.  Watch this space.

Summer music projects, and the inevitable creeping insecurities.

Despite coming home from work every night feeling like this (is full-time work supposed to be this tiring, or am I just abnormally lethargic?), I’ve finally, very slowly, been moving in the right direction with my music projects recently.

I’m currently 1/3rd of the way through The Artist’s Way, a 12-week programme that teaches one how to be creative, and how to maintain a healthy attitude towards art and creativity.  I did the programme for the first time back in 2007, and wrote more in those 12 weeks than I had done for about 2 years!  I’m hoping for similar results this time round, as I’ve been stuck in a bit of a writing rut this year.  It’s going well so far – I feel much more inspired and clear-minded at the moment, though I’ve yet to break through the wall of my writer’s block.  I’m sure that will happen soon.

A little while ago I recorded some piano, vocals, and bass for my friend Dan on his upcoming EP.  I had a good time writing and recording my parts, and he was really happy with everything I did, which was so nice to hear.

Recording at Lexi Songs Studio

I also played at the recent Swansea Feminist Network music fundraiser a few weeks ago, and it went really well!  People made some lovely comments about my performance; I think it was my best so far.

I’ve spent years doubting my abilities, and it’s only really in the last 3 months or so that I’ve stopped underestimating and demeaning myself, and started to give myself credit for what I can do.   I’ve always struggled to judge my own abilities accurately – I veer from thinking I’m useless and that people only compliment me to be polite, to thinking that I can take on anything, any song, any band.  I’m so indecisive, and that extends to how I feel about myself.  It can be hard to feel secure when it comes to music – in such an oversaturated scene (particularly oversaturated with acoustic singer/songwriters), it’s easy to dismiss yourself as a nobody.

I really need to book more gigs, but I still feel too nervous and worried about it all.  I go through this phase every few months – I’ll play a gig and it’ll go really well, and for a few days I’ll remember that I need to play live more often and decide that as soon as I get the time, I will actually arrange to play somewhere else. But once the buzz has disappeared, all my doubts and insecurities creep back in – what if no one shows up? what if people feel uncomfortable because my music is a bit unusual?  What if my friends can’t make it that night and I have to go alone?  What if the sound engineer looks down on me because I don’t know my way around a PA?  It’s difficult to get past those doubts when they all feel so realistic.

It’s an awkward combination, being both a musician and a naturally quiet person.  As a musician, I am a bit of an extrovert – I want to share my music with people, to play live and entertain, to feel the roar of applause and supportive pats on the back from people congratulating me on my bravery (regardless of how good my performance was, there’s something to be said about just having the guts to get up there and do it).  And yet, at heart I am also quite reserved and cautious.  I’m not great around people (new people in particular).  I do get flustered, and trip over my words, and forget my lines, and embarrass myself easily.  Singing before a room full of people is scary for anyone, but especially so for someone who is already nervous in front of people…

I’m going to take it one step at a time though – I try to remind myself that I don’t need to play ALL the gigs right now, that I don’t need to come down so hard on myself for not being able to muster up the courage to do something that is actually very frightening.  It’s okay to spend some time finding my feet.

What I’ve been up to this fortnight:

Protesting with the SFN girls

 - Marched at Million Women Rise for the first time
An awesome day – read my photo report here.

 - Wrote another column for The Girls Are
This one is all about procrastination.  http://www.thegirlsare.com/2012/02/16/girl-with-a-guitar-procrastination/

 - Baked cupcakes with my mum, and got in touch with my inner child:

 - Co-organised and attended the joint Swansea Feminist Network/Swansea Women’s Centre International Women’s Day event
This was a fantastic day – you can read my review of the event at the SFN blog.  I bought a knitted womb from one of the SFN girls, and when I showed my mum and auntie they loved mine so much that they asked me to buy them one each too!

Knitted womb!

 - Finished building my new website!
Take a look, it’s awesome.  Built thanks to the technical wizardry of Waj.  www.catherineelms.co.uk

 - Took Toby for long walks on the beach, and took my favourite photo of Toby ever:

 - Went veggie for a week
A blog post documenting this experience will be posted soon!

 - Published the third issue of Pandora Press! 
I kinda rushed this issue a little bit so I could get it ready in time for the International Women’s Day, especially the artwork, but overall I’ve had lots of positive comments about it, so maybe I’m being too hard on myself.  It’ll be stocked in Marching Stars distro from next week onwards, or you can pick up a copy at any upcoming SFN event.

2011 Review: The Fluffy Lists

Best Song of 2011:
Lady Gaga – Bloody Mary
I’m not a huge fan of pop music generally – I find a lot of it to be cheap and unsatisfying, annoying me after too many listens – but Lady Gaga’s latest album has softened me to the pop world.  I found Born This Way to be much darker and more complex than Gaga’s previous work, and the song Bloody Mary was the highlight of the album for me.  The song explores Mary Magdalene’s relationship with Jesus and the duality of being a religious icon and a real feeling woman (“when you’re gone I’ll tell them my religion’s you”). Some strange lyrics abound here – she calls Pontius “Punktius” for some reason – and the title doesn’t quite work due to its associations with Mary Tudor, but it’s nonetheless a very interesting concept, rarely explored in pop music.  I also love the dark electronica feel, interspersed with male choral cries of “Gaga…”.  I love Gaga, and I don’t care who knows it.  (read my review of Born This Way on The F Word here!).

Worst Song of 2011:
Professor Green ft. Emeli Sande – Read All About It
Many, many songs were in the running for this title – I listen to the radio on my way to work every morning, and I swear they play the same 5 fucking songs every day – Moves Like Jagger, Jar of Hearts, Fly (Rihanna & Nicki Minaj), Price Tag, and this song.  This song ultimately wins out for being completely trite, annoying, and whiny.  An honourable mention must be given to Leona Lewis’ cover of Nine Inch Nails’ Hurt, the most inappropriate pop cover since 2008′s X Factor winner butchered Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

Best Film of 2011:
Black Swan
A predictable choice, I’m sure.  I loved this film – drawing on feminist themes of the virgin/whole complex, the quest for perfection, and body transformation, this film was intelligent and moving.  There’s an excellent feminist analysis of the film here; if I were to discuss this film, I would only be rehashing the arguments already made by the Feministing ladies.  A close second is Lars von Trier’s Melancholia, a beautiful, haunting film about the destruction of the earth (you can watch the trailer here; though, be warned – it makes the film look far more exciting than it actually is).

Worst Film of 2011:
Sucker Punch
There have been many bad films this year (did anyone else notice how many films released in 2011 were sequels or remakes?); to devote a paragraph to dissecting one of those kinds of films would be a waste of time – we all know they’re shit.  So I thought I’d choose the most disappointing film of 2011 for me, which was Zack Snyder’s girl-power romp, Sucker Punch.  It looked so promising!  Five women kicking ass to an amazing soundtrack – yeah, they’re wearing ridiculously inappropriate battle gear, but I could potentially overlook that.  Sadly, ten minutes into the film, I realised just how wrong my expectations were.  Here is a clip from the first fight scene – this is a very good example of what the whole movie feels like.  Cartoonish, meaningless violence (if there’s no risk of injury, how can you engage and root for the hero?), scantily-clad young girls doing impossible stunts and inexplicably defeating enormous, faceless bad guys who supposedly represent “their demons” or some shit like that.  Sarah at Bad Reputation hit the nail on the head when she described this film as “tedious in a watching-someone-else-play-a-computer-game way. You watched, but didn’t really engage”.  Another irritating aspect of the film was the romanticisation of mental illness and the mental institution that the characters were imprisoned and abused within.  Massive shame.

Best Book Read in 2011:
The Women’s Room – Marilyn French
A classic feminist novel about the struggles of American women during the 1950s through to the 1970s.  While certain aspects are, of course, no longer relevant to a modern feminist audience, I was shocked at how much I could relate to, and how many problems that the second-wave feminists wished to address are still ongoing.  For example, the story about the rape of a central character, and her dealings with the justice system, showed how little has changed in terms of victim-blaming attitudes.  A thought-provoking read.

Worst Book Read in 2011:
How to Win Every Argument: The Use and Abuse of Logic – Madsen Pirie
I thought I would learn a lot from this book about how to win arguments and be able to stop others making fallacious arguments; instead, it merely listed the common logical fallacies people make, e.g. arguments “ad baculum” (by threat of force).  It’s not difficult to spot when people are making incorrect arguments; it is difficult to defeat the person advancing it, however.  What a waste of an afternoon.

Best TV of 2011:
Black Mirror
Charlie Brooker’s 3-part drama series, aired on Channel 4 over December, was by far the best TV I’d watched for a long time.  The theme of the series was our dependence on technology, and its effect on our social interactions.  Admittedly, the series hasn’t been very subtle in its satire, which I think turned many people off – do you need to guess which popular TV show the image on the right is parodying? – but all three stories were thought-provoking, and left me with a cold sense of unease.

Worst TV of 2011:
I’m A Celebrity
I found myself stuck in front of the TV far too much this winter after long days at work – I’m a Celebrity was usually bad enough to shift me from the spot in the sofa I was cemented to.  The X Factor came a close second; the latter programme only saved by the brilliantly snarky commentary found in the #xfactor hashtag on Twitter.

Top 5 Blogs Discovered in 2011:

1. Hyperbole and a Half.  A blog about being awkward, and growing up.  Every single post I’ve read on Allie Brosh’s blog has been hilarious and heart-warming.

2. Bad Reputation.  A UK feminist pop culture blog, often blogging about music, film, comics, and other cool stuff.

3. Monday Through Friday.  The (slightly more) intelligent older uncle of the Cheezburger Network, this blog features funny work-related gifs and memes.  (we all need a guilty internet pleasure; memes are mine)

4. Women In Theology.  A blog written by female theology graduates from an anti-kyriarchal Christian perspective, dedicated to discussions about women in religion.  They write about a wide variety of topics, including sexual ethics, Jesus, LGBT rights, saints, and traditional theology.

5.  Maranda Elizabeth.  The author of Telegram Ma’am zine, their blog features writings about mental health, genderqueerness, self-care, recovery, and writing.  It’s among my favourite single-author blogs, due to its honesty and inspiring feel.

Top 5 Zines Read in 2011:
1. Jane: Chicago’s Clandestine Abortion Service
2. List #14
3. Telegram Ma’am #20
4. xyz #1
5. Shape and Situate #2

 

What were your favourite books, songs, etc, of 2011?

Gigs, shifts, and lost productivity.

I haven’t updated my blog for such a long time – I’ve been hella busy with my new job.  It’s going really well, and I love working there, though I’m still struggling to get up early every morning – I used to lie in until at least 9am, now I have to get up at 6am.  My body hates me right now.

As expected, working full-time has meant that I’ve had to devote far less time to my hobbies and other commitments.  Before I worked, I could quite easily take on lots of tasks, arrange to go on various trips, etc – the only limitation was financial. Now I have far more financial freedom, but not enough time!  I couldn’t attend Reclaim the Night Cardiff last week due to a late shift, and haven’t been able to see the SFN girls as much as I usually do.

This weekend I tried to squeeze in lots of stuff, and just about got away with it, though I’m not sure if I could manage it again.  On Friday I performed at the Swansea Feminist Network Music Fundraiser!  The gig was good; I wasn’t very happy with my performance, as I got quite nervous on the night and my nerves resulted in a number of mistakes on the piano. I got lots of positive feedback, so perhaps I thought it sounded far worse than it actually did.  The gig was also my first social outing with my new hair, and most people agreed that I actually look better with brown hair. What do you think?

Ali Morris wrote a great review of the night at Swansea University blog The Siren.

The following morning (6 hours after I got home the night before), I travelled up to Nottingham to visit my friend Rose and attend the Nottingham University Prizes and Awards ceremony (I won an award for the work I did for the Women’s Network zine “Artemis”!).  I had such a lovely weekend, and the 5-hour train journey was totally worth it.  On Saturday we watched some live female comedy at Ladyfest Nottingham, which was lots of fun.  I particularly liked Naomi Hefter, musical duo Lindsey & Catherine, and interactive comedy group The Gramophones, so do check those acts out if you’re interested in fun female comedy!

The weekend was awesome, but I’m not sure I can sustain this level of activity.  I’ve already had to turn down Reclaim the Night London this weekend, as I’m so tired from a week of work that a day in London would just make me ill.  (I bet those of you who work full-time will scoff at my weakness – I’m not used to timetables and getting up early to do things, I’ve spent the past 3 years either studying at uni, or on JSA!)  While I’m sad that I won’t be able to donate as much time to my side projects, I feel good that I have a job, and have some money coming in.

But I have managed to get a few things done:

• My first column for The Girls Are went up last week!  Take a look and comment: http://www.thegirlsare.com/2011/11/11/girl-with-a-guitar-1/
• I was featured on womens literature blog For Books’ Sake on Friday. I’m really happy with how this one turned out! http://forbookssake.net/2011/11/18/five-minute-friday-catherine-elms/
• Spill the Zines – November zine reviews: http://bit.ly/uTV7wr

Hopefully my productivity will get back to normal once my body has adjusted to my work schedule.  We shall see.

 

Halloween, & finally getting a job!

This Halloween was awesome!  On the weekend I went to a fancy dress party at a friend’s house, got a bit drunk, and had a lovely evening.  I spent the previous week on holiday, so had to prepare a costume at the very last minute with whatever I had lying around the house.  I ended up going as Leela from Futurama – I didn’t bother taking any full-body photos of my costume because it was so monumentally shit.  At least everyone recognised who I was!

Then on Monday, I was offered a job!  I’m now working as a receptionist; the hours are ideal, and the people there are lovely.  I was very nervous and shy on my first day today, but other than that it went really well.  So I’m over the moon right now!  However, I have had to dye my hair, mostly in order to appear more professional and less young (everyone always tells me that I look like a rebellious teenager with my purple hair and piercings; it doesn’t help that I have a young-looking face anyway), but also because I’m more than a little bored of the hair by now.  I could muster up the enthusiasm by dying it magenta or something, but I think the time has come to go back to a normal colour.  It’ll be nice to have a break I suppose, and if I ever become a full-time musician, I’ll dye it again.

Farewell, purple hair. We had some good times.

So yes, I’m now employed, and no longer have to sign on!  Being an unemployed graduate was a miserable experience, and I have so much sympathy for those unfortunate enough to still be looking for work.  My self-esteem has been slipping over the past few months as I put so much effort into each job application, each one ending in a rejection… but I’ll write about that subject in depth in Here. In My Head. #11.

Both the party and the job offer came at an ideal time – winter always brings out my sociable side.  Now that the clocks have turned back and the weather has taken a turn for the worse, the nights are longer and darker, and I really crave company to fill those long nights – parties, sleepovers, cwtching up with a hot chocolate and a film, etc.  I tend to get SAD during the winter months – I think the end of the year reminds me of dying, the way the environment decays and falls away, the fact that every year builds up towards December, only to begin the same monotonous cycle all over again in January…  That sounds very melodramatic when written down.  This is coming out all wrong.  All I know is that when winter comes around, I start thinking about my death, and what will happen to my soul, and the fear of the unknown takes over me.  Thankfully, in the past twelve months or so my mental health has improved greatly, and this year I want to avoid SAD completely if I can.  The more time I spend with good company, the less I dwell on the morbid thoughts that float through my head at this time of year.  I’ve managed to fit lots of things into  the next two months to keep myself busy and happy, including visiting my good friend Rose in Nottingham, performing at the Swansea Feminist Network fundraiser, Reclaim the Night London, Reclaim the Night Cardiff, and the new SFN radical feminist reading group.  I’m also going to try and do a few tasks from “365 Ways to Change the World“.  I’m looking forward to keeping myself busy and having lots of fun despite the miserable season.  Plus, Christmas is on its way, and nothing cheers me up more than an excuse to stuff my face and buy presents for people.

Music News: I’ve become a columnist for feminist music blog The Girls Are! I’m writing a fortnightly column about being a female musician breaking into the local music scene.  My first column is going live sometime in the next week.  Keep your eyes open for it!

Zine News: Spill the Zines is still ticking away nicely, though I’m having trouble getting people interested in writing for us.  I can handle the workload of editing the blog now, but I’m worried that it’ll slip by the wayside now that I’m working.
Also, Pandora Press #2 is on its way to the printers!  Here’s the cover I designed for the zine.  I’m not 100% happy with it, but it’s okay.

Pandora Press #2

Other News: I’ve uploaded my graphic design portfolio to Facebook.  I find myself designing posters and zine stuff for the Swansea Feminist Network a lot recently, so I thought it’d be nice to gather them all in one place, and possibly offer my services to others for a small price.  Take a look.

Some thoughts on feedback in the zine scene.

I’ve been thinking recently about feedback in the zine community.  I’ve released two zines since May – issues #8 and #9 of my perzine Here. In My Head. –  and have had no real feedback for either, apart from my zinester friends telling me they enjoyed reading it (which is lovely and greatly appreciated, of course, but it’s not necessarily constructive).

As someone who used to be incredibly sensitive, I was terrified of any sort of feedback.  No news is good news, I figured.  It’s my personal little thing, I don’t want anyone poking holes in my silly little writings (though some zinesters did anyway, but that’s another story).  But now that I’ve got my spark back, I’m feeling more ambitious and have grown a slightly thicker skin, and I want to improve my art.  I know that my zines are still not as good as they could be – perhaps they never will be – so I’d like to know what’s missing, which bits are interesting and which bits aren’t, which aspects of the visual style work and which don’t, why my zine is or isn’t listed among readers’ favourites, why some distros order my zines without ‘sampling’ a copy first and why some still turn me down – basically, how I can improve as a zine writer.

That’s the main reason why I started Spill the Zines – there seem to be a lot of people around who are enthusiastic about zines, who devour piles of stock from their favourite distros, who order zines by their favourite zinesters as soon as they’re released, and who trawl the internet for zine reviews (that’d be me!)… and yet, there isn’t much discussion of zines online – not many websites dedicated to zines that stay active for too long.  Of course I can think of a few overseas that are (Broken Pencil, Zineworld, and Hello Amber spring to mind), but most of them seem to be paper-based (which is a pain when you’re from a different country, and skint like I am), or dying out a little (e.g. We Make Zines).  I also hear from many zinesters that they don’t get much written feedback from their readers anymore, and that they miss that connection.

Some people are reluctant to be too critical for fear of offending the writer.  I know that us zinesters tend to pour ourselves into our work, so much so that you can’t detach yourself entirely from your zines, and the subsequent criticism.  We’re also often perfectionistic, and rarely have a great deal of self-esteem.

There’s another argument that I’ve heard with regard to feedback – zines are meant to be a mode of self-expression, not academic essays, so being critical is uncalled for.  A zine isn’t something to be improved upon, it’s just the outpouring of your mind.  And I definitely think that many zinesters write zines because they need to share their stories.  Nonetheless, feedback is still good to hear, even if you want to avoid the critical route and just write something like “I identified with this part in particular”.  It’s good from a writers’ perspective as we like to know what our readers like and dislike.  It’s also good from a personal point of view, to know which parts of our stories resonate deeply with others, and to know that we’re not alone.

Having said that, I think it would be naive to think that people who write zines don’t care what people think of them.  There’s always a certain element of pride involved in creating your own little bit of art. Who wouldn’t want to know what people liked and didn’t like about it?

Maybe there should be a disclaimer in one’s zine – “I like feedback, positive and negative”, or “I write this for me, I don’t care if I’ve made mistakes or it’s messy or whatever”.  I don’t know.  I haven’t really reached much of a conclusion with this ramble… I never was any good at providing answers to the questions that float around in my head.  Still, some things to think about.  And of course, I’d love to know what you all think.  Do comment on this blog entry and let me know your thoughts – even if you think I’ve got it all wrong and am just not looking hard enough for people to write about my zines.

Also, I’m tabling at two upcoming zine fests – Sheffield Zine Fair and Camden Zine Fest.  If you see me at either, do come over and say hello, and let me know what you think of my zines, or just zines in general!  I love talking about zines – let’s do it together.

Note: I’ve also been struggling with these feelings with regard to my music career – why I rarely get any feedback or enthusiasm for my music. But I am, unfortunately, putting far more effort into my zine career than my music career at the moment (mostly due to confidence issues, but also because making zines is easier and cheaper than making music) so at least I can hope that if I were to put more effort into my music, then I’d get a little more attention.  That’ll change as soon as I get a job and can afford to buy the supplies needed to gig!

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On an unrelated note, I’ve been writing in a few different places recently -

The F Word: review of Lady Gaga’s album Born this Way
I’m on the F Word! Yay!

Spill the Zines: Zine Resources
Where I discuss the benefits of using Zine Wiki, We Make Zines, and other online resources.

Spill the Zines: Birmingham Zine Festival, From Behind the Table
A review of BZF as a zinester tabling at the event.

Electric City: Review! Porcelain Black – This is What Rock and Roll Looks Like
Formerly of Porcelain and the Tramps fame, I review Black’s latest single.

Swansea Feminist Network gig!

I performed at the Swansea Feminist Network music fundraiser on Friday, in The Garage, Swansea.  It was my first solo piano gig in Swansea, and my third solo piano gig ever, so I was very nervous… but it went really well! yay!

I played two of my newest songs – Monochrome and Wallflower – and they went down very well.  I also played Mooncup’s Love Your Vagina song, which was a hit, and tickled lots of people in the audience!

It was awesome.  I was happy with my performance, everyone was really kind and complimentary, made some new fans, and had many drinks bought for me. Sadly, I forgot to bring my CDs to sell… but there are worse things I could’ve forgotten I suppose!

(if you’re reading this and are a new fan, you can buy my CDs at my website – www.catherineelms.co.uk/shop!)

Unfortunately I had to leave early, so missed the last two acts, The Adelines and Sleepy Panda Club, but from what I could tell during their soundcheck, they were great.

I’m going to try and do more gigs now – this has really given me a confidence boost.  I had a lot of fun that night.

Pissed, pointing at the sign with my name on!