Gigs, shifts, and lost productivity.

I haven’t updated my blog for such a long time – I’ve been hella busy with my new job.  It’s going really well, and I love working there, though I’m still struggling to get up early every morning – I used to lie in until at least 9am, now I have to get up at 6am.  My body hates me right now.

As expected, working full-time has meant that I’ve had to devote far less time to my hobbies and other commitments.  Before I worked, I could quite easily take on lots of tasks, arrange to go on various trips, etc – the only limitation was financial. Now I have far more financial freedom, but not enough time!  I couldn’t attend Reclaim the Night Cardiff last week due to a late shift, and haven’t been able to see the SFN girls as much as I usually do.

This weekend I tried to squeeze in lots of stuff, and just about got away with it, though I’m not sure if I could manage it again.  On Friday I performed at the Swansea Feminist Network Music Fundraiser!  The gig was good; I wasn’t very happy with my performance, as I got quite nervous on the night and my nerves resulted in a number of mistakes on the piano. I got lots of positive feedback, so perhaps I thought it sounded far worse than it actually did.  The gig was also my first social outing with my new hair, and most people agreed that I actually look better with brown hair. What do you think?

Ali Morris wrote a great review of the night at Swansea University blog The Siren.

The following morning (6 hours after I got home the night before), I travelled up to Nottingham to visit my friend Rose and attend the Nottingham University Prizes and Awards ceremony (I won an award for the work I did for the Women’s Network zine “Artemis”!).  I had such a lovely weekend, and the 5-hour train journey was totally worth it.  On Saturday we watched some live female comedy at Ladyfest Nottingham, which was lots of fun.  I particularly liked Naomi Hefter, musical duo Lindsey & Catherine, and interactive comedy group The Gramophones, so do check those acts out if you’re interested in fun female comedy!

The weekend was awesome, but I’m not sure I can sustain this level of activity.  I’ve already had to turn down Reclaim the Night London this weekend, as I’m so tired from a week of work that a day in London would just make me ill.  (I bet those of you who work full-time will scoff at my weakness – I’m not used to timetables and getting up early to do things, I’ve spent the past 3 years either studying at uni, or on JSA!)  While I’m sad that I won’t be able to donate as much time to my side projects, I feel good that I have a job, and have some money coming in.

But I have managed to get a few things done:

• My first column for The Girls Are went up last week!  Take a look and comment: http://www.thegirlsare.com/2011/11/11/girl-with-a-guitar-1/
• I was featured on womens literature blog For Books’ Sake on Friday. I’m really happy with how this one turned out! http://forbookssake.net/2011/11/18/five-minute-friday-catherine-elms/
• Spill the Zines – November zine reviews: http://bit.ly/uTV7wr

Hopefully my productivity will get back to normal once my body has adjusted to my work schedule.  We shall see.

 

Zines Zines Zines!

What’s a zine?
A zine - pronounced ‘zeen’, derived from ‘magazine’ - is a self-published booklet, usually created by a single person. Zines are usually created by physically cutting and gluing text and images together onto a master flat for photocopying, but some like to produce the master by typing and formatting pages on a computer. The end product is usually folded and stapled. Zines can be printed and bound in any way.

Part of my zine collection!

It’s a wonderful way of expressing yourself.
I love the sheer joy of creating something beautiful and personal that I can share with others.  I love to write, but there’s something about the prospect of writing to an audience that can really push you to think differently.  I believe that it’s important to keep writing and creating art, because for me the process of trying to get an idea down on paper is what it means to think clearly and critically.  I write a lot, because it’s my way of forcing out those half-formed thoughts in my mind; I’m thinking as I’m writing the words.  I think it’s important to have the experience of thinking through those bigger questions and issues, and the way I do that is through zines.  Canadian zinester Clementine Cannibal said that zines were all about survival.  I think they’re more than that – not only survival, but personal growth.

Tea, typing, and striped socks. I love those socks.

It allows you to get in touch with lots of like-minded people.
Many meaningful connections are often made between zinesters in the zine community, and most of my friends were either met through zines, or they are now into zines after reading mine.  It’s also great that so many of these zine friends will have much in common with you, in terms of interests as well as political beliefs and past experiences.  It’s so lovely to have that common ground and get the chance to speak to people who can understand how I’m feeling.

Bongo likes to read zines too.

Anyone can write one – why don’t you?
Most zinesters found it helpful to read a lot of zines and identify what it was that they liked about those zines, so they could attempt to make the kind of zine that they’d love to read too.  If you feel that you’d love to find a zine that talks about a certain thing that maybe hasn’t been covered in the way you want, then be the one to write that zine.  We all have to share our voices with the world and tell our stories.

 

Recommended Reading

Doris
A perzine created by Cindy Crabb from the US. It covered topics such as gender roles, sexual abuse, anarchism, and the author’s personal musings. 28 issues and an anthology have been released.

Telegram Ma’am
Written by Maranda Elizabeth from Canada, she writes about mental health, loneliness, nostalgia, adventures, bicycles, small towns, and finding a home.

Culture Slut
A queer feminist perzine written by Amber Forrester, Maranda’s twin sister. Amber also edits comp-zine “Fight Boredom”, and runs a distro of the same name.

Licking Stars off Ceilings
A riot grrrl perzine by musician and writer Clementine Cannibal, dealing with topics of sex, romance and being a girl in a boy’s world in an explicit and unapologetic way.

Your Pretty Face Is Going Straight To Hell!
Written by Tukru from England, this is a feminist perzine with lots of collage-style art and a diary-like feel.  Tukru also runs British distro “Vampire Sushi”.

Hoax
A comp-zine published out of the US, issues discussed in Hoax include race, gender, sexuality, anarchism, class, body image, politics, health, social problems, and personal histories.

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(This review was taken from the latest issue of Artemis.  To read the issue online, visit  http://issuu.com/artemiszine/docs/spring11!)

The Life Audit.

Hello again!  Sorry I haven’t blogged for ages, I’ve been really busy.

(That’s not me trying to subtly hint that I have some sort of exciting life, by the way. By ‘busy’ I mean writing essays, dealing with household bills, handing in keys, that sort of thing.)

I handed in my dissertation last week.  I have officially finished my degree.  :)

God, I look tired. I was incredibly tired.

The last few days of my degree were spent saying goodbyes to my few good friends at Nottingham, catching up on my sleep, and crying with relief and pride that I actually made it to the end (and for the last year, really enjoyed it all).  The last two weeks were incredibly hectic – I barely had time to sleep and shower, and by the end of it all I could feel my mental capabilities deteriorating by the hour.  I’m pretty worried about the dissertation and what they’ll think of what I wrote, but I’m trying to push that to the back of my mind.  It has been submitted now, so there’s nothing I can do.  I’ll miss Nottingham – the academic life, although tiring, was very rewarding.  I also made some great friends towards the end that I’ll truly miss.  I have plans to make an epic university-themed zine over the summer where I’ll go into these things in more detail, complete with university ephemera and mementos.

Looking awkward as my mum takes photos of my Nottingham abode.

A surprisingly high-quality picture of the Trent building taken by my iPhone!

I’m currently at home in Wales, for good!  I’ve spent the last few days spending time with my family, catching up on my sleep, eating proper food again (I lived on coffee and crisps for the last few days of uni), unpacking my uni stuff into my little room at home, cuddling my dog, and taking long baths.  It’s been so lovely.  But I’m back on my feet again, ready to get busy!  This has led me to consider that direction I take my life in for the next few years.  I’m no longer tied down to anything (well, aside from my financial restrictions), so the world is my oyster.

To suit my systematic brain, here is the list I came up with:

1. Zines
Find/create another comp-zine to edit.  Continue writing Here. In My Head. Hopefully publish more frequently now that I have the time.  Contribute to more comp-zines – being an editor for 2 years, I now fully appreciate just how difficult it is to motivate people to submit things for publication. Read and trade more zines.  Get a PO Box.  Keep Spill the Zines up and running efficiently. Write more zine reviews.

2. Music
Sort out my piano-playing… possibly get lessons.  Join a band as a bassist (I need to get some confidence back, and playing bass seems like it would be fun, without the pressure of performing solo).  Gig my solo stuff, when I’m feeling more confident. Write more songs.  Finish recording the album.  Check out the Swansea music scene.

3. Feminism
I’ve joined the Swansea Feminist Network, and intend to get massively involved with its conception and development.  Also, contribute to more feminist blogs and zines.  Contribute to The F Word.  Read more feminist books.  Attend more protests and events.

4. Misc.
Go camping. Visit Stonehenge. Do a Race for Life. Learn how to knit.  Learn how to use my sewing machine.  Make a PostSecret. Try lobster.  Fly a kite.  Give up Facebook for a fortnight.  Make a vlog.  Start taking self-defence lessons. Try yoga.

By the way, can I take a quick poll here – what do you guys like reading about on my blog?

Thoughts, suggestions?  I feel somewhat at a loose end now, and although I intend to look for a job, I want to keep myself busy in the meantime.

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Music & Zine Update: I am officially off hiatus, so feel free to get in touch about buying and trading!

Day Zero Update: lots of the university/Women’s Network things have been crossed off the list, including “068. Continue going to Feministy events with the Women’s Network“.  Unfortunately, I failed one – “017. Get involved in a Women’s Network campaign“, as the Women’s Network didn’t put on any campaigns during the 1001 days.  Oh well.

Sometimes I talk too much. Or not enough. I’m not sure which.

Hank came over this Valentine’s Day weekend.  We saw the new film True Grit at the cinema (one of the IMDB Top 250 films, so it counted towards my 101 Things in 1001 Days project), went out for a romantic meal in the city centre, went for a walk along the canal, and cuddled in bed watching You’ve Got Mail.  He also bought be a bouquet of purple flowers.  Ah, love. <3

But the thing that satisfied me the most this weekend? I just talked and talked and talked. I feel as if so much has happened in the past two months that I’m really needing to find an outlet for all this pent-up frustration and, in some cases, excitement.  And sadly, most of those things aren’t suitable for a public discussion, so zines and blog posts are no longer tenable options to drain my brain into!  I kept apologizing to Hank for talking so much, but he was a sweetheart and told me that he loved to hear me talk, and it made a change from him talking all the time.  :)

We talked about my plans after graduation, my developing friendships, my decaying relationships with other people, the difficulties in my home life, my degree, and my improving mental health.  My, my, my, I know.  I’m going to allow myself to be selfish a little more often nowadays.  I think it’s healthy for women to allow themselves to just get it all out once in a while.

One thing that I needed to talk about was the fact that I almost ran for a position on my Student’s Union exec (something that IS okay to discuss in public!).  I had never considered the possibility of running before, because I automatically assumed that I could never do something like that, discounting my abilities without even thinking about it.  But recently, I’ve been feeling a lot better about my capabilities, so much so that I thought “Fuck it, why don’t I give it a go and run?”  On Thursday, I went to a NUS Women’s Campaign training day in London called “I Will Lead the Way” with three other women from the Women’s Network committee, all of which I didn’t know very well.  The workshops were all about leadership training and how to run a campaign.  I had a fantastic time, and got on really well with the committee members.  I even had a bit of a chat with a few other women there from other universities, which was lovely (but very scary)!  This bolstered my self-esteem even more, and made me feel like I should run, not only because I’d give it a good fucking go and throw myself into the role, but also because women are under-represented in our SU exec.  What if I ran for the position of President, I thought to myself?  How incredible would that be, to have a female President of the SU for the first time in years?!  Yeah, my thoughts ran away with me a bit, but still… I wanted to do it, and I wanted to improve my public speaking and leadership skills enough to be a brilliant executive… and that was a fantastic feeling.

As it turns out, the training day actually revealed that I wouldn’t be able to win a place on exec in the elections, as I don’t have a single person to support me on my campaign who isn’t an elected SU officer, or running for a position.  If I were to run a successful campaign, I’d need to be campaigning every single day for 2 weeks, from 8am until gone midnight in the student clubs.  For that to work, I’d need a campaign manager and a big campaign team to help me put up posters, talk to people in various places, hold up banners, wear my campaign t-shirts and badges, etc.  And I don’t have a single person who is in a position to do that for me!  That made me very very sad for a little while… but I’m over it now.  I’m choosing to evaluate this experience in a positive way – I feel that I want to do something like this, and even though I knew full well that the campaign and the job would be difficult, I was willing to work for it.

So recently I’m feeling more powerful and capable than I have for years.  God knows I’m gonna need it to deal with some of the shit that I’m having to deal with recently.

Zine Update: Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14 will be ready in time for the Brighton Zine Fest next weekend, where Miss Tukru will be tabling.  If you’re going, do pick up a copy from her!  Also, my minizine Twt #3 is finished and printed – if you want a free copy, get in touch!

Music Update: the free download of Gimme a Cure is still available at Bandcamp!  Download it and make me a happy lady please!

February Crafty Endeavours

Helloooo!  Things are good at the moment.  I’ve just had my results back for last semester, and I’m delighted with how well I’ve done, considering I was a complete mess for the first 2 weeks of January with stress!  I’ve just started my new modules, all of which are going well so far, and I’m writing my dissertation.  Very scary, but I’m feeling better about my abilities than ever before.  I’m trying to keep on top of everything, and get things done early so I don’t get too stressed out at a later date, which might mean less time for crafty things and blog updates… it’s regrettable, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

I’m now considering doing a Gender Studies MA instead of a PGCE, as lots of people have told me that teaching is a pretty tough route to go down unless you’re 100% committed and passionate about it… for the first time ever, I’m feeling relatively confident in my academic capabilities (not first-class confident, but 68% confident, which is also good), so maybe I could become an academic…?

Anyway, enough rambling.  I’ve got lots of crafty bits and pieces coming along nicely, most of which will hopefully come to light in the next month or so!  Keep your eyes peeled.

The new issue of Artemis is now available to view online at http://issuu.com/artemiszine, or pick up at upcoming Women’s Network events.  We’re trying to get a stand in the Portland building where we can let people pick up free copies, but there’s a lot of red tape to battle through.  Pffft.

 

Crafty endeavours this month include:

1. Here. In My Head. #7 / Your Pretty Face is Going Straight to Hell! #14
Yes, my next zine will be a split with Tukru!  SO excited about this; it’ll be out before the end of February!

2. Twt #3: Things I Dislike
Another free mini-zine.  Always fun to make (plus there’s something quite cathartic about voicing your frustrations/dislikes in a funny silly way, don’t you think?).

3. Writing new songs
I’ve got a bad habit of leaving songs unfinished before moving on to writing the next one.  This has happened again over the past few months, so one afternoon I went through my songbook, and planned out all the unfinished songs and fragments I had.  Turns out I have sixteen songs on half – and four finished – that are shaping up to be really great songs.  So technically, I could have finished writing my second album by the summer, which is so exciting.  I’ve had writers’ block for such a long time – I think I only wrote three proper songs in my first and second years of university.  When I hit my third year, I finally got my act together and started finishing songs, working on lyric and music drafts that had been floating around for years, and writing entirely new pieces.  It feels really good, to get back into it all.  Of course, I won’t be able to record my second album for at least another year, which sucks, but there ya go.

4. Secret project with Hannah (Not Lonely zine)
All will be revealed soon.

5. 101 Things in 1001 Days
Watched lots of awesome films in January (including Black Swan – soooo good!), and completed one or two other challenges too.

 

In other news, I’ve cut my hair a lot shorter and dyed the light bits red.  I don’t know if I like it.

I’m tempted to bleach the lot and go back to blue/turquoise.  I miss having hair this colour:

But that won’t be a wise decision if I’m planning to attend job interviews this year!  I hate being an adult.

End of Term Bits and Bobs

Ah, the end of term.  I am currently in my lovely warm student house, curled up in the front room with a cuppa and a blanket, with my suitcase packed and ready to go home tomorrow. <3  Anyway, as happy as I am to be going home, I have had a really good time this term.  Highlights of the term include:

044. Play a gig – COMPLETED!
I did it!  Who’dve thought it, eh?  To be honest, I wasn’t happy with my performance – I was really nervous, and my hands and legs were shaking so much that my hands kept slipping and I kept making silly mistakes.  That’s such an embarrassing thing to admit to, heh.  Still, I went up there and played.  I have some really messy difficult feelings about that evening in my head – one the one hand, I’m really disappointed in myself for being so badly-rehearsed; on the other hand, I’m really proud that I managed to go through with it, and go through it alone.  I went to the gig by myself in a taxi with my big unwieldy stage piano and stand (my flatmate/good friend didn’t want to go for… political reasons, I guess you could call them), I set up and packed down by myself with the sound guy, I mingled and made conversation with strangers by myself, I performed by myself (for only the third time in my life), and I made my way home by myself.  That all sounds very basic and obvious, but I can’t tell you how much of a step forward this is for me.  I’d usually go with Hank or a similarly chatty and knowledgeable friend, who’d more or less do everything for me – setting up, introducing me to people, etc… but I did it all by myself for the first time in my life.  Damn, that was a tough night.  And even though I didn’t perform as well as I could have, it was a useful experience in highlighting what it is I need to improve on.  I should also add that all the Women’s Network committee members were really nice and complimented me on my performance, which was very helpful and put me at ease – although part of me felt that they were only saying those things to make me feel better, I kinda know that’s probably not true.

Clementine Cannibal wrote a really apt blog post a few days ago about performing live, and how us women need to just get out there and fucking do it.  This blog post encouraged me to try to stay positive about this whole experience – yeah, maybe I was a bit mediocre, but at least I tried.

“i know i can’t just hide away until i’m super good and then play in front of people. i need to play in front of people right now. i need to get used to it, so my nervousness doesn’t overtake me and i can concentrate on what i’m doing. it’s really really scary. it’s scary to try. it’s scary to suck. but it’s necessary and important to growth. music isn’t just for people who have had extensive training in it. music is for everyone. the only way to get good at playing is to play. the only way to get good at playing in front of people is to play in front of people.”

I’ve put more photos up on my Facebook page and my website if you want  to take a look.

Getting to the end of it without any sort of mental breakdown!
Damn. I know this is a completely mundane and everyday thing to celebrate, but I have to stop and acknowledge that this is excellent progress for me.  Last winter I was a complete mess – I quit making zines because my self-esteem was at rock bottom, I just about managed to get through the academic work but barely put any effort into it, I almost didn’t go back to university when I was home for Christmas because I never thought I’d make it through the rest of the year.  And here I am, a year on – getting solid grades and mostly coping with everything.  Yay!

Studying a feminist philosophy module.
I wrote my essay on the norms of feminine appearance, which I’m going to use bits from for a new piece in my next zine!  My lecturer said she really enjoyed reading it, but I didn’t get the first I was hoping for, so meh.  Still, it was a fun module with some very interesting weekly reading material.

Seeing Melissa Auf der Maur live. (see this entry for more details on the evening!)

My dissertation.
I’m writing about Christian feminism – specifically, whether it’s possible to be a Christian feminist without compromising one or the other to make them fit together.  And I’m rather enjoying it.  I have a good (professional) relationship with my supervisor, which helps.  I told her about my depression, so she’s been really supportive and helpful this term when I’ve seen her.  I think the biggest reason that this is a highlight is because throughout the past 2 years of university, I was terrified of doing a dissertation (as mentioned in my previous blog post).  Now that I’m in the midst of it all and keeping on top of everything, it feels good.

What my Friday nights look like.

Writing an essay on Pullman’s His Dark Materials.
I haven’t had the grade back yet, but I’m hoping I did quite well, because I really enjoyed writing this, even though it was 6,000 words long!  I also read the entire trilogy (all 1000+ pages of it) over the course of 4 days, which is incredible progress for someone who usually takes weeks and weeks to read a book!

Snow!
I only fell over once!

The view from the Portland Building.

So far, this academic year has been my best year yet.  Not that it’s been perfect, of course – I’ve still had to deal with a lot of shit from people… but I won’t go into that now.  It feels as if I’m gradually becoming more stable and independent, and more able to cope with the world.  My time is now.

Two days to go.

Obligatory Weekly Update!

Apologies for the slow posting recently – I have been super-busy with uni work.  Yesterday I handed in a 6,000 word essay on Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials – eeep!  That’s the longest essay I’ve ever written by far!  On the plus side, I got that shit DONE, and it makes me feel a tiny bit better about my academic capabilities.  I remember being in my first and second year of uni and feeling this crippling fear of being a third-year and having such an enormous workload – I never thought I’d be able to cope.  As it turns out, my workload is mostly manageable, and I’m making an effort this year to keep on top of everything.  Funny that – I remember being in year 3 and seeing year 6 colouring in a detailed map of the UK, carefully making sure to colour the green and blue inside the lines – and I thought that looked impossibly difficult!  Now look at me, haha!  I guess it just goes to show that a lot of my anxiety is just fear of the unknown and severely underestimating my abilities.

I’ve given myself the rest of the day off, but it’s a short-lived pleasure, as I have another 6,000 word essay to write over Christmas, and an exam to revise for. The work never ends!

So other than working, I haven’t been up to much at all, hence the lack of posting.  I’ve rather enjoyed the snow, although it did scupper my plans to visit Hank this weekend.

The view from my front door

T'is the season for ridiculous hats.

Alice and I have been putting up posters for lots of exciting Women’s Network events coming up, which is incredibly tiring on such a big campus covered in so much snow!  There are 2 exciting events coming up – first, the Women’s Network Music Fundraiser!  RSVP here.  I was dithering about whether I should perform, as I only got the call 2 days ago, but I reluctantly declined due to a few deadlines and meetings to prepare for next week.  I’m contemplating playing after all, even though I haven’t had enough time to prepare myself!  I should just throw myself into it and fucking do it, shouldn’t I? Hm. *anxious*

Design by me

Secondly, the Women’s Network Christmas Social, which Alice and I came up with as a way of getting shy women in uni to meet up with us and get to know each other.  Sometimes it can feel like you’re the only isolated one in uni, but I know there are plenty of us.  So we should get together and eat mince pies!  More details and RSVP here.  I want to buy a Santa hat to wear to this.

Design by me

Zine Update: Hannah wrote a lovely review of my zine on her blog, which you can read here!  Tonight I’ll be spending a little time working on Here. In My Head. #7 with the aim to publish it in late January.

Music Update: I’m working on new songs and re-learning Mozart’s Sonata in C major (my left-hand fingers hate me). I’m going to try and make a YouTube video real soon to share with you all, as soon as my parents dig out their video camera (the camera on my iPhone is shit, so I’m not even gonna try that).

101 Things Update: 016. Leave an inspirational note in a book for someone else to find – completed!  I went crazy and put a couple in some feminist books in the Notts Uni library. Guerilla feminism!

They were mostly empowering quotes and fun drawings I found on my internet travels.  Nothing too ground-breaking, but hopefully it’ll make someone smile.

 

ETA: after much encouragement from my lovely Twitter followers, I’ve asked if I can still perform at the Women’s Network Music Fundraiser. Eeeep!

Zines, CDs And Never-Ending To-Do Lists.

Since my last entry, I’ve had loads of interest in Here. In My Head. #5 and #6 – thank you all so much!  Lizzy of Marching Stars Distro has agreed to stock both zines, so they’ll hopefully be available to buy from her by the end of next week.  Mad Hatter Distro from the US has also agreed to stock my zines – hurrah!  I’ve updated my Zine Wiki page if you want to check it out.

(A note about Zine Wiki: I think this would be a great zine resource if more people used it!  The name says it all – it’s basically like Wikipedia, but dedicated to zines.  If there are any zinesters or distro owners out there who haven’t set up a page on Zine Wiki, you should do so right now!)

I had intended to leave writing the next issue of HIMH until at least spring 2011, as I was a little tired out by all the thinking and writing work that I put into issue 5 (as you may have read on my blog/Twitter, I finished the alphabet issue long before issue 5).  However, out of nowhere I started getting all these great ideas for my next zine – how technology has changed our world and how much this scares me, the way I sabotage myself from fear of happiness, romantic comedies that aren’t that romantic, political apathy… finally, I seem to have pushed through my writer’s block, just as my university workload increases! Pah.  Hopefully issue 7 will be ready sometime soon after the new year.  :)

Other than being a little overwhelmed by my huge to-do lists, university life is going really well.  I’m enjoying all my modules (well, the one on determinism and free will is a bit difficult, but at the moment it’s interesting enough), and am keeping on top of everything.  I’m doing a module on feminist philosophy which is going incredibly well – for the first time since being at university, I actually feel as if I belong there.  Silly, I know.  I’ve never been good at public speaking/seminars, but I’m doing rather well in the feminist philosophy seminars – I have things to say, I have other knowledge floating around in my mind that I can connect with the text we’re reading (e.g.  in today’s seminar, I brought up Naomi Wolf’s idea of beauty as an unfixed concept in relation to an article on the increasingly sexual portrayal of men in the media), I don’t feel intimidated by others in the class, and I understand the text better than the other people on my table.  They asked me to explain something to them!  This has never happened before!  (Please don’t misinterpret this as arrogance. I still feel like I could do a lot better in that class… but I’m going to allow myself to revel in this tiny little victory).

I can’t say I’ve been that sociable this term so far.  To be honest, I think I’ve given up on it all.  Alice and I had a discussion about the friends situation, and I was surprised to discover that she has had a very similar experience to me in terms of making friends – we’ve both made a big effort in our first two years, but haven’t managed to really get anywhere.  We were both told that we’d make a big circle of friends, and would spend most of our time partying and having a wonderful time… but neither of us experienced that.  This made me feel a lot better, actually, as Alice is a very friendly and lovely person.  So if she’s struggled too… then maybe I’m not as pathetic as I thought.  Sure, I’m still lonely a lot of the time, but it feels a little easier to deal with this year.  I guess I’m aware of the huge workload coming up when my dissertation work kicks in, plus the fact that I’m leaving Nottingham for good in May… I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.  Who needs friends when there’s CSI?  Heh.

Still, I am doing something every week by staying involved with the Women’s Network – unfortunately on Wednesday I was too ill for the cinema social, but next week we’re putting on an Introduction to Second-Wave Feminism Workshop which I’m looking forward to.  I designed the poster for the event:

I’m trying to take my designing skills a little more seriously nowadays, so if anyone reading this would like me to design any posters, magazine covers, etc, get in touch!

I’m still getting on really well with the fluoxetine, but I have to pay for my next 2 months’ supply.  Damn you England and your expensive prescriptions!  There’s still a lot of social anxiety and lethargy, but at least the self-loathing and everything else has died back.  Yay.

Music Update: I mentioned a free single in my last blog post.  Basically, here’s what we’ve decided to do: in order to promote my music/upcoming album (which keeps getting pushed back due to the busy lives of the guys involved in the project) I’m going to give out a CD single for free, which will contain the songs I Miss You and Desire (Gimme A Cure).  It’ll be available to order from my website and blog.  Hank is working on mixing the songs, and we’re hoping to get it out by the end of the month.  I’ll also put those songs up for free download on my MySpace page, but if you’re like me then maybe you’ll prefer a physical CD than an intangible mp3 file.

As an aside, I feel really guilty about the fact that my music projects get delayed so much.  It’s just that Hank and his musician friends who are helping out with the album all have remarkably busy lives, and an unpaid project like mine tends to get left at the wayside while more important things such as university work takes priority.  It’s frustrating, but understandable – that’s what you get when you try to record a full-length album on a shoestring!  if I had a way to finance this project then it would’ve been completed months ago – sadly, I’m relying on donations and volunteering mostly.  I promise this album will be worth the wait.

101 Things Update: Added a few things.  Check it out.

Uni, Women’s Network & More Recording!

I moved into my new house in Nottingham this week, and have settled in very well.  My new flatmates are lovely. We’re all going out to dinner with Hank for my birthday this weekend, which I’m looking forward to.  Things are good, and I’m happier here than I’ve been for a while.  I’m ready to get stuck in to my university work!

Today I spent the afternoon on the Women’s Network Fresher’s fayre stall – it was good fun, and we had lots of interest in our upcoming events.  Also managed to have a nice chat with the new Women’s Officer Rosie.

Artemis is now available as a paper copy – Notts girls, get hold of yours ASAP before they run out!  The theme for the next issue is SURVIVAL – for more info, check out our Facebook group page.

The cover of the latest issue. I'm not 100% happy with it; I'm new to Photoshop so it was a bit of a botched job.

Music Update: Last week I spent 3 days in Leeds doing more recording with Hank and the boys, which went really well.  We recorded the piano parts and vocal parts for Powerless, Online Reconnaissance, Not Sorry, I Should, and Above Clouds – we’re going to go back and add a few more harmonies and twiddly bits, but other than that all the piano and vocal parts for the album are finished.  Over the next month or so, we’re going to start posting new songs on MySpace – exciting!

The piano we recorded.

One thing that breaks my heart about going to Leeds: on Woodhouse Lane, a beautiful old church has been converted to a Halo nightclub.  I lament the abuse of such gorgeous architecture.

Zine Update: I’ve moved to Nottingham until Christmas, so if anyone wants to get in touch via snail mail, please be patient as my parents only forward my mail to me once a month.  Alternatively, get in touch to find out my term-time address.  I’ve finished Here. In My Head. #6 and have put it together, but am still working on #5 (it makes sense, honestly).  I want to finish it as soon as I can, but obviously my university work comes first.  Speaking of which, I have my first meeting with my tutor tomorrow morning – eek!

101 Things Update: Hank taught me how to use photoshop at last!